Bounce back..

The higher you reach, the harder you fall... Its the first time I stand by this philosphy.. and that too with regard to relationships..


Just realised that loyalty and commitment is not a favour. Its an amalgamation of something beautiful between two separate individuals.. Something that comes from within by choice to make the other person happy without being loud and showy about it.. I guess this is the reason I rarely express love by words.. It takes away the intensity.. Would very much prefer a person to feel it rather than to just hear it..


Anyway.. if we lived in a perfect world, words like betrayal, etc wont exist. Its so hard to accept it when someone we keep very close to our hearts just washes us off like a dirty stain in their perfectly packed lives.. Just need some anwers.. I cant help but wonder if there was any truth in that relationship at all.. Maybe... or Maybe not..


Guess being left without answers is good in a way... There is nothing more I can do from my part to make the relationship work.. kinda takes the pressure off.. :)


Honestly, I started writing to vent out my anger..but got this calm and acceptance suddenly.. strange huh..


And ya.. it was the best feeling when someone stood by me through all this and tried to make me feel better... hey.. did this person just give me back the same essence that I thought I lost .. ?? :)


Guess all I am trying to say is that, The higher you reach, the harder you fall... but the Harder you fall, the harder you BOUNCE back!


:) :)

Thanks..

Someone's watching over me...

We are so used to taking things for granted and crib about the small things in life.. Sometimes it takes a huge jolt for people to realise how lucky they are..
In my early teens (wow...early teens...did I make  it sound like I am all grown up!! ;) !!) I used to feel that I was at the brunt of everything bad happening in life! Be it flunking in an exam (For some reason, people think I am too brainy...genius types... so when I get low marks, everyone would go ;-OOOOO ), being mocked at for the school annual day dances (which I was never interested in the first place.. ), or having to beg and plead to start skating classes that I wanted to learn for fun.. (only to find myself being enrolled in skating competitions...taking away all the fun!!).. and having to replace skating by hindi tutions.. then science tutions..then maths tutuions.. (10th std!!).. and other personal secrets !! (no.. I am not going to tell you... :P) ..wow... I would never have believed it if someone said they were suffering more than me..


It was at that point where my imaginary dark clouds parted... :) I got introduced to two of my gurus (Jai Gurudev Kavitha didi :) :) .. GURUJI!! :) :) ...  ).. and my blotched, dusty windows were cleaned.. :D :D and everything had a nice rosy aura... I started smiling and was happy with everything.. life was good...
...
...
...
For a while!


Problems just keep getting bigger and more complex as we grow up... right?? So I found myself in a helpless spot again.. tried to cling on to a few people to make me feel better..( not realising that it was upto me to make any changes) ..


Yet again...just when I felt life was all messed up, I got another reality check.. YES+ ... :D :D By then, I was in 12th std.. Life looked up again.. But for some reason, I dint put in enough efforts and did very badly in my board exams.. I couldnt face anyone.. and my dad got a transfer... Fear of not getting selected in any college at all gripped me.. So... Down again..!


But my dad's long time friend by chance spoke to my dad and we got to know of more options..  I found myself with a place in the institute which boasts of being the No. 1 for Biotechnology..got my dream course!! How much luckier can one get?? So, high on spirits again... :)


But college life is not all that easy.. :) first of all, staying away from home.. a whole new lifestyle.. friends.. annoying hostel-mates.. ego clashes... possessiveness... mixture of good and bad!!
Slowly I realised that Biotechnology is not my cup of tea!! ;) But soon, I would find an interesting area of research and be back on board...reached 3rd year..time to look out for final year project.. searched high and low...nothing seemed to click... Then out of the blue, I get a chance to do the project as a team with my best friend in one of the best labs in India for 6 months..!! :D so.. again..yay!!


But once I reached Delhi...Ahem.. you can guess... in the dumps again.. Got shortlisted for a Phd degree in Mumbai... Stayed with my bro..Had very high hopes for the interview.. When I saw the campus, I was literally lusting for it.. :) :) And I felt the interview went quite well... so... :) :) ..but results were out... and yup.. rejected!! so.. :( :(  But then, Sajan and Mugdha talked me into doing YES+ again.. (Jai Gurudev Saleel Bhaiya!! :D.. )I dint want to do it because I was on leave just for the sake of the interview.. but ended up doing YES+.. and whoa!! This time, the eye opener was totally different!! :D :D In addition to just cleaning up my windows again, it was like adding a permanent coating of "shit-repellant"... :) :) :) :)


I came back home.. Got shortlisted for another Phd interview in Bangalore.. I screwed up the first round, but got selected for the next round.. I did the secound round well.. so with a sunny outlook that I am being taken care out, I check out the results... and ...... ..... .. .I wasnt selected!


Disappointed... months of doing nothin... Mom suddenly hears from my cousin about job openings in the company where he works.. Decide to give it a try even though it doesnt have a thing to do with what I have studied in B. Tech... Get selected!! and even more surprising, I now love this job!! I get selected in a project concerning Pharma industry.. a close relative of Biotech!! :P .. Land up with good team-mates... Can I ask for a greater level of comfort??


By now, I have learnt that whatever I do, the path always leads somewhere that is the best for me... Had I changed any one of the disappointing moments, I wouldn't have landed up here... I would probably be staring at petridishes in a lab!! (sorry kuki!! ;-) ... just kidding... ur work is really going to be a breakthrough!!).. But apart from this, I have also learnt that I am sure to face depressing moments.. no doubt about that at all...


Strangely, being resigned to possible setbacks in the future has made me immune to it... It is so much easier to live in the present and give my best efforts in everything I do... :D :D I think I have learnt to clean my windows..and when I cant, I just know for sure that someone who loves me a lot is watching over me...


Extremely grateful!! :D :D

My tryst with nature..

On 15th September, I had the privilege of visiting PFA, Bangalore. It was one of the most touching moments I have ever had.


A little bit about me. I am very very quiet and rarely express.. Makes people think that I dont care about anything or show any enthusiasm.. (which is kinda true :P ) But being with nature makes me feel so alive and makes me smile. I can spend hours looking at squirrels chasing each other.. pigeons squabbling over the water hole.. sparrows chirping..flying around happily.. crows picking up scraps of food and leaving half eaten stuff on our balcony.. ants swarming around a dead insect and gnawing their way into its exoskeleton.. a spider on the wall building its web.. rats running out from behind the storage place.. occasional snakes which find a way into our hostel.. bats which fly from one tree to another after the sun has set.. these little things make me get so excited..
I cant help but admire god's non-human children.. :)


Sadly, my mom has a severe phobia of the animal kingdom.. so I grew up without a pet at home :( :( My first wildlife rescue experience was when I found 2 baby squirrels on the lawn of my hostel. Waited for their mom to turn up but she dint.. They were getting bitten by ants and they were too young to walk away.. So my roommates, Lavanya, Prasanthi, Mahalakshmi and I, sneaked them into our room to look after them till they grow up. However this was the end of the semester with just a few days to go before which we all had to go home for around 20 days.. So we desperately hoped for Chikku and Chippi (christened by Gee .. ) to grow up within those few days left to go till our holidays. Unfortunately, nature takes its own sweet time :) With our bags packed to go home, we placed them in a cardboard box planning to leave them behind but I couldnt bring myself to it.. Unable to hide the tears in my eyes, I went back to the carboard box and decided to bring them home along with me till they were big enough.. :) Those days with them are so special for me. Along with my bro, we would feed them .. watch them chase other...run around..start climbing on whatever they could find.. eventually, they would run all over us..climb on our heads, sit on our shoulders.. and ya.. I guess babies of all species poop a lot!! ;-) :P 
I eventually had to leave to back to my hostel, leaving Chikku and Chippi in the care of my brother and Grandmother. The plan was to look after them and let them free in the park with lots of trees when they were quite big.

So, all was going on really well until Chikku fell ill. All of us were so worried. It hardly moved, sat still as if paralysed and would shiver badly. My parents tried to look for places where they could treat it and make it fine. I was so tensed... They found about PFA, People for Animals, an NGO that has dedicated itself to the welfare and rescue of wildlife of the region. Dr. Vetrivel who treated Chikku and brought it back to good health was very kind enough to keep me updated about its recovery and the other activities of PFA. I am extremely grateful for having been introduced to PFA.

So, now back to the start of my story. Now that college is over, I had a lot of time in Bangalore and I decided to get back in touch with my passion for wildlife and contacted Dr. and wanted to get more involved with PFA. This led me to visit them a few days back. I met other passionate volunteers and was given a tour of their place. I had a range of feelings... from being swept over by the cuteness of baby monkeys.. in awe of a blind female monkey that acts a surrogate mother to abandoned new-borns..sad, yet amazed at the resilience of a monkey that stumbled into electric wired and had its limbs amputated, and overcame the accident and has a strong will to live on.. Parakeets that had their wings clipped and were used by fortune tellers and are still in the habit of picking leaves in front of them (as they do with cards).. kites that were injured due to either flying into exposed wires.. or fell victim to people mindlessly hurling stones at them..turtles..squirrels.. snakes.. they always have their hands full.

They have a graveyard for pets and it was so special. Every grave stone told the story of how their pet touched their lives and made a difference. It made me realise the difference animals can have on people.. they are full of love.. something so pure and innocent about them. 

I was so lucky that day since I also got to accompany the volunteers for releasing the snakes which they rescue, back into the natural environment. We ventured quite deep into the thickets nearby and selected the right place.. The guys first released an adult cobra.. I just held my breath.. It was so beautiful. I couldnt help but respect the fact that its one of the deadliest snakes in the world. The guys who handled it, understood it perfectly.. handling it with grace.. The snake with its open hood and occasional hissing, had me totally hooked. When released, it quietly slithered away leaving me speechless!! :)

Rat snake

I got the honour of holding a rat snake in my hands before its release. I could feel it breathing.. its scales moving over my hands..it kept slithering quietly..flicking its toungue out.. I was told the right way to handle it.. calm it down.. :) I couldnt stop admiring its elegance. Its grace, made me realise how clumsy I was with it.. hope I get better :) Also got to release a wolf snake..It was quite squirmy..but once calmed down, it coiled neatly and could fit on the palm.. 

Wolf snake

An infant cobra was also released.. A saw scale viper.. Both quite deadly.. But watching them in front of me, I realised that the world would be incomplete without them.. We need to respect them and share our planet with the entirety of nature..the world is not exclusively ours. I have decided to do my part and help.. I regret not having done this sooner.. But atleast its a start.. Thanks to PFA

My little brother!!

Sajan.. Thinking of him, gets me through a mixture of emotions that only a brother can. He has been my friend, partner in mischief, wrestling rival, confidant, motivator, critic, always up for an annoying bicker, but ready to stand by me when least expected. 


I remember when we were little, I used to cook up stories about ghosts in the cleaning room and I remember the innocent, trusting look he used to give me. I am not sure if I was the "elder sister" figure.. but we sure had a lot of fun! 

how did I ever convince u to do this!

Sajan the joker.. in his element.. :P

jumping in muddy pools, hunting for bugs in the backyard, playing video games, trying to prepare our unique drink, watching fav cartoons together, we even tried to pull an all-nighter!! 

At mora beach..

If u feel my bro s not cute, I'll shoot u!

Sajan.. do you remember all of this??


I had taken having him around for granted.. Then he went to Vijayawada and slogged for 2 years.. I hardly spoke to him or met him then and I realised that I missed him a lot.. 
But after that, when we met up during holidays, we would be back to pulling each other's legs.. 


And his brains landed him in IIT-B and its probably the 2nd best thing that has happened to him. Besides the academic drill, he does a LOT of volunteering for over 4 NGOs, dynamically associated with The Art of Living, innovative projects, amazing with the guitar and flute (which he learnt on his own)..to name a few. I am so proud of all the work he is doing there. (http://ssajan.blogspot.com/) 


He has the most amazing friends .. I am really grateful to have spend time with all of them ..especially Pramod Bhaiya, Ashish, Mugdha.. I cannot imagine their faces without the warmth and a big smile :) I am sure they played a pivotal role in making him such a wonderful person. 


I was extremely sick when I met him in IIT.. He was so helpful and caring.. At that time, if anyone has asked me if Sajan is my elder bro, I would have said "yes!!".. He was always there for me when I was low and reminded me to keep smiling (another thing for which I am grateful, that Delhi happened)..I will never forget it..The most recent and sweet memory with him was when he "escorted" me to Trivandrum for my interview.. 



I cannot skip mentioning his special talents. He can make so many wierd noises.. he used to stand on our balcony and start "kaaa-ing" like a happy crow.. can imitate pigeons (since then I call him Sajan the Pigeon!! ).. dogs.. cats.. anything..!! :-)
Oh.. and he can move his ears independently and they are so soft and I enjoy twisting them till they turn red (he allows me to do this once in 3 years).. and I simply love playing with his eye lashes when he is asleep (fun to disturb him)!!



I never said it before, but Sajan, I really appreciate the things you do that make you a perfect brother..Looking forward to meeting you next. Continue to rock (and bug!!) everyone around you.. 

Happy Rakshabandhan!! 

(KROWA!! ;) 

Evolution of Homos. in Homo s.

“Sometimes men like women,

Sometimes men like men,

Then there are bisexuals,

But some say they are just kidding themselves.. “
Phoebe Buffay, on F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I always wondered why its such a big issue if women like women..or men like men. I mean, ideally speaking everyone should love everyone. Right? But I guess we don’t exactly live in an ideal world. Learnt that in school when we spent pages learning about the properties of ideal gases towards the end of which, we learnt that no gases show the idea behaviour!

So, here is my take on this subject of homosexuality on a light note..

So to be frank, nobody has a problem with people “liking” people of the same sex. They become one’s BFF’s. The problem is the physical attraction... sex with the same sex.

From nature’s point of view, every species needs to reproduce to sustain itself and evolve. Survival of the fittest etc... Right from bacteria to sperm whale, every living thing reproduces to sustain. So, how did homosexuality come about to be which is against the whole idea of nature’s laws..

That... we may never know for sure.

I always feel that nature has a way of bringing back things into balance. The need to sustain human population is no more a need. Maybe homosexuality is a response to balance the instinct to reproduce yet to not actually do it..

So, if you find yourself having homosexual tendencies, please don’t suppress it. You are probably evolved!!! :-)

 And of course, besides keeping yourself happy you will also be doing the world a favour!

DELHI ... part 2!!!

So.. though my first two months in Delhi seemed to be bad.. (refer my previous post), now that I think about it, they were the most comfortable. I am sure Mahalakshmi would agree.. 
Winters in Delhi are quite harsh.. atleast compared to all the places I have lived in India. But I loved it.. At peak noon, the roads would be so foggy..


And it was best feeling to slip into the thick quilts after coming back shivering from dinner. We  (rather... it was me) found it nearly impossible to get out of it in the morning... :-) 


Towards the end of december, our friends from college, John, Gowri and Sandhya too arrived in Delhi for their project. They lived in another area in a room for rent.. We went out and explored Delhi with them. It was a lot of fun. I had a very comfortable feeling being with them. With them, I could let my guard down and be sure that they wont do anything in-human.

Maha, Sandy, Me, Gowri and John @ DLF Mall

And the most memorable time I had in Delhi was on new year's eve, also the eve of Sandhya's birthday.. :-) :-) Mahalakshmi and I stayed over in their room. It was a riot.. 

Wanting to do something different, we got an ice-cream instead of a birthday cake. So I was thinking that we have to break the tradition of smearing the birthday baby's face with cake... but the pic below shows otherwise.. 

Gowri, me, Sandhya the Bday baby and John with ice cream on our faces 

So now, let me tell you a little about the place where John and co. stayed! :-P 
The area was called "Katwariasarai". It was near IIT Delhi and opposite to Indian Statistical Inst. Seems decent right?? Thats what I too felt when I first got down at the bus stand, waiting for John. Then he came and guided us in a labyrinth of a market, with roads so narrow that not more than 3 people can walk and it was filled with people.. mostly men..Mahalakshmi later told me that half the men there were drunk..she would be like, "be careful..he is drunk"..and I would wonder how I miss these things.. and an open porno poster lying in the middle of the road spoke a lot about the people who live there..
there were so many shops, all of them looking identical.. the "road" was very messy.. open garbage bins in such a crowded place definitely makes things worse.. and of course, dogs. It took me more than 5 guided visits inside that maze to find my way there on my own. 


In short, not a good place to stay. And that too for a girl, a BIG NO. But we could no longer take up the nonsense going on in our PG. And the fact that 2 girls, Sandhya and Gowri too live there and dint face any problems, we decided to get another room for rent near their apartment. Having John for company raised our morale. We decided to shift there and be together with them.


February 1st, we again struggled with our bags and went through the strenuous task of shifting it..Mahalakshmi and I faced the after effects for the next 3 days..
To be honest, when we saw our room, we were so happy. It was living in a small house of our own..So the very evening, we settled down in our new home and arranged everything very neatly. I remember Sandhya wishing she could have got a room like ours. So tired from all the work, we had a deep sleep. We woke up next morning to start a new day from the new place. The place dint look so scary in the morning.. and we went off to lab. After the day's work, we spent the evening having dinner with Bharat anna and Rajat, our friend from lab. When they dropped us to our place, they were shocked while walking through the crowded "market-maze".. we assured them that its not so bad and we'll be safe... as we were talking, we reached our home, and my heart skipped a beat when I saw that there was a new, different lock put on our door. I was speechless. The guy next door then tells us that our room had been robbed while we were away and that the key is in a nearby shop. We open the door... I really dont know how to describe what I felt before opening the door. More than being scared, I was angry.. More angry with myself for having decided to stay in such a horrible neighbourhood. I knew that we might face problems.. But I figured that inside the room, we would be safe..


The room was a mess. Every single thing had been opened and strewn across the room. Everything. I hated that person who had the guts to do that. Books, papers, clothes..nothing was left untouched by them. I am very grateful that Bharat anna and Rajat were there with us. We looked through our stuff and it took us a while to see what was missing... hair dryer, laptop headphones, Maha's mobile phone, few silver earrings... 
Agreed that we dint loose a lot.. (thank god our laptops were with us). More than anything else, the theft on the 1st day of moving in hurt us emotionally. But I cooled down very soon when I realised that the situation could have a lot worse. And after John, Gow and Sandy joined us and helped us out, I was back to my casual state of mind.. :-)


Mahalakshmi took a heavy toll because of the theft. I dont think she had a good night sleep even once since then as long as we were in Delhi..Believe it or not, I could sleep well even after all this.. 


We went and complained to our land lady and she consoled us in a hindi accent that I found it very hard to place.. "koi dirr (darr) nahi beti..woh sab bhuke maare aandre hai"... atleast this is what I heard. She assured us that she'll keep an eye on our room and that a theft never happens twice in the same room. But then, we could not risk something like that banking upon her words.. so we started our search for another place to stay and even considered going back to our old PG. 


Thankfully we dint have to do that, and by mid of february, we found a working women's PG run by a Christian charity institution and it was great. There were a lot of formalities and personal interviews. And it was clear that they wont let any crazy girls live there. We decided to shift immediately..it was feb 10th.. 


Spoke to our land lady and told her that we are shifting on 15th and she told us to pay half month rent. we agreed and paid.. however the next day, we got an angry call from her son who is a "lawyer" and he started blasting us about ethics and paying the rent has nothing to do with the issue that we were robbed in broad daylight while staying in his house..and that too within a day of moving.. apparently it is not his job to ensure a tiny bit of security for his tenants, but only to collect the rent.. he went on to jabber that "anything" can happen to us on the roads outside too and that we cannot expect anyone to help us.. and he ended his "case" by saying that we are the ones who are being money minded.. 
I dint cry even when our house got robbed.. but that conversation brought me into tears. It was an open statement that no one cares about anyone else in Delhi. I just couldn't digest that people can be so heartless.. There are atleast a million more polite ways to be diplomatic and explain that there are rules to be followed and that we must pay the full rent. But the way he put it across was the bare truth.. the way things are.. More than any frustration towards the robbers, I wanted to kick this "lawyer" so hard in his *@$*$.. Somehow, I never thought an educated "lawyer" would stand by a such a selfish, perverted philosophy.


We decided..to hell with the "lawyer" lets give him his damn money and let him know what an ass he is. Next day, we had to go to submit some documents at the hostel and locked our suitcases and made sure nothing valuable was left behind.. we went to the hostel, submitted the documents, and returned immediately. It couldnt have been more than 45 minutes.. We returned to find that our room had been broken in and our landlady was ready there to inform us that our house had been robbed...again.
This time, both of us just felt like laughing. The fact that the break in happened within 45 minutes, the not so nice phone call from the lady's son, the fact that the landlady was informed about it so promptly and was conveniently present at the scene of crime.. it convinced me that it was her and her goons..probably those guys from the tea stall who saw us leave the area.. 


We dint waste another minute there and packed our bags immediately and wondered how the witch would break the news to her "lawyer son" that we moved out without paying the remaining half of his precious rent... 


And ya.. I wasn't worried about them finding us. They had absolutely no details to track us down.. I am sure they dint even have a "namesake" entry of our names..


So.. it was goodbye to Katwariasarai... 
I just realised that what happened was the best of the "being robbed twice" scenarios.. I mean.. had they broken in on a sunday when we would have gone out, we most certainly would have left our laptops behind in the room.. 
We dint loose anything significant.. but gained a lot of experience..

DELHI!!

When the idea of going to Delhi along with my best friend Mahalakshmi for my B. Tech project materialised, I was very happy and looking forward to it..After all, I had lived in hostel for the 4 years in college..But my Delhi experience was a slap in the face!!..now that I am back home and comfortable with mom's constant pampering, I remembered that I have a blog in existence.. so here goes..


We got in the train..really excited..but as the 2 1/2 days journey dragged on really slowly, we got bored looking at each other's faces.. Mahalakshmi wanted to watch a movie, but I was too paranoid to take out my laptop from the bag.. (thanks to my dad's colleague who had his laptop stolen in a train) ..so that brought about our first in a series of never ending arguments.. :-)


Finally reached Delhi and struggled out of the train with our huge luggage and fell an easy prey to coolies and taxi drivers.. reached our PG and we were shocked.. it was on the 3rd floor of a thin matchbox type apartment which seemed to be under construction..the stairs were so narrow that our suitcase would only fit side-ways... so we were figuring out how to carry the bags up and Mahalakshmi went up to meet the girls in th PG and get someone's help while I waited down with the piles of bags and suitcases checking out the area.. It was a tiny market-place..crowded and messy..but the climate was really good.. and that raised my spirits as I anticipated a horrible winter.


My first hint of an impending doom was when Mahalakshmi came back alone and said, "those girls are stupid..they wont come to help..we have to carry the bags ourselves".. and I was like ...hawww... !


Somehow managed to take them all up.. met my roommates..decided that it was too soon to judge them just because they dint help us with the luggage and wanted to leave things to the benefit of doubt..that night, a strong smoky smell filled the whole house and i got scared thinking something caught fire...only to realise that my "sweet roommates" were smoking.. their reaction to "pls dont smoke..its disturbing" was to come and close our room door..we couldnt think of anything else to do except complain to the owner of the pg and we got snubbed very sweetly.. and the two girls on the bed next to us...i just learnt the word to describe such people... "nocturnal nymphomaniacs" .. and poor Mahalakshmi would suffer sleepless nights as she tried to ignore their loud irritating talks..just the way they ignored our "pls talk softly" .. 


As for me.. I can sleep through a bombing.. However, it was a total shock when another night a guy coolly walks into the pg and goes to this girls room and closes the door behind and we heard music from the room.. still.. we decided to manage for two months till february as we had an exam and dint want to move around..


but when one night those "sweet nymphos" forgot to lock the door behind her at night and some drunk guy banged on the grill gate and pressed on the doorbell like his hand was stuck to it, it freaked out Maha.. me.. as usual I slept through the whole drama.. :-)


I am not sure exactly what I learnt.. except that some girls have absolutely no morals.. and that I sleep very badly... :-P


So.. we shifted to another place with our college friends who had come to do their project too.. it was a very homely area.. 


To be continued ......