Words are all i have...

Communication is one the lesser heeded feature of living beings.. I feel it is something that humans have taken for granted.. probably with the advent of languages and words to express, the onus to communicate something is perceived to be on “the other person”..

The link between words and the skill of expressing a thought can have so many dimensions.. I am going to ponder over a few thoughts that came to my mind.. :)

I truly believe that the strongest of relationships are when words are not necessary to hold it together. Look at a mother and her baby.. Communication happens at a totally different level. There is perfect understanding and sync of emotions that are easily picked up by the mother. Look at a person with his pet .. these relationships are not sustained on re-assuring words or justification .. It is a space where the connection happens at the soul level. It is the space where the pet feels completely taken care and showers so much of unconditional love. And when we realize that this and are the receiving end of such affection, it just makes our heart melt..There are no words spoken in exchange.. If it is possible for two beings of different species to connect at such a deep level, I wonder what goes wrong when two individuals of the same species, specifically, when the most intelligent species on the planet (us) come together..

On one hand, words are being highly exaggerated and blown out of proportion. We seem to have a tendency to look for deeper meaning behind words.. Be it good, or bad…

A lot of times, we get stuck..wondering what the other person meant by those words.. or continue to get depressed/de-motivated/angry without even accepting the tiny possibility that there could be another side to the story.. all because of words.. and we save it up in our mind, directly associated with negative feelings…ready to bring it up the court-room of drama as “evidence” ..which leads on to more clashes of words..  :P  (its really amusing to watch.. :D )

Honestly, this makes sense… and its quite understandable..

But I see another aspect of words, which is totally the opposite… where people take away all the meaning out of words and just use it for the sake of it..

Somebody.. please explain what “bull shit” really means.. The shit of a bull?? Really?? :) And why a bull specifically??
And I would really be grateful if anyone can justify the use of F words with a proper context with the meaning the word actually has..

Anyway.. the list of bad, abusive words is quite a long one.. and it doesn’t appeal to me that people are capable of using words just because they fall in that category, rather than expressing what they actually feel. Saying %^$&^%, !@#* , $#&( , #@%$ is not really going to make a difference.. because everyone knows that they are just meaningless abusive words. The only thing that comes across to me when I hear people use bad words is either that they are not aware of what they are doing… or they are really really frustrated..

Anyway.. I wrote this out to the people who fall in the first category.. if you are swearing for no apparent reason (except extreme frustration), just realize that those words you use actually make no sense and you have become the victim of a senseless fad.. I hope you want to be better than that.. :)

The Moth and the flame

Before the title gives you any ideas, let me tell you that I am going to be quite literal when I refer to a moth or the flame.. :P

So, I was looking out of the window last evening, taking in the fresh air, the cool breeze..when above the noisy din of the traffic, I heard the cacophony of a bee buzzing near the tube-light.

This is one of the things that everyone knows about Lepidoptera (ok.. its just the scientific name of moths..butterflies..and many other insects that fly! ) .. Though no one can give “the reason” for it.. Its almost like a drug for them..

Being an entomologist at heart, I brought my attention to the tiny thing flying around.. probably trying to find the brightest spot.. It would sit, groom itself, fly..sit..groom…And I couldn’t help but smile.. It was beautiful.. I was able to observe close details like the shape of its eyes, the tiny tufts of hair on its antennae, the shape of its legs, its breathing patterns .. it was cute.. : ) It makes me wonder in awe about the bounty of life and diversity in all of God’s creations.

However, I noticed that the tube-light was extremely dusty.. there was no place where the bee could sit without picking up a lot of dust balls.. this was interesting and new to me.. I wanted to see what the bee does when there is a lot of dust between it and its object of desire! : ) Having done a project on the behavior of wasps, I know for a fact that they hate dust or anything extra on their flimsy, weightless bodies..

Anyway, to my surprise, it continued to sit around the dusty bulb, gathering a lot of grime and kept struggling to shake it off.. I tried to wonder what it meant for the bee to go through this shit just to sit on a bulb.. if u don’t like the dirt, just fly away somewhere clean.. but no.. is it because the light represents some sort of a salvation..? And what makes you think that way? Because I am an average smart human being..and I know that the tube-light is not what it promises you. It was made by one of us to serve our purpose and comfort. It is not going to help you in any way..
Seriously.. it is not worth going through the irritation and dirt.. because I can see the bigger picture..


But hey.. nature is strange and complete and understanding in a way I may never fully understand. Even though a lot a things about nature seem so simple and pointless they are very comforting.. the perceived imperfection in the bee, is probably just the reflection of the imperfection in my own mind..


After all, aren’t we a lot more complicated and stupid.. how many people are drawn to a lot of vices.. like a moth to the flame.. until they see the bigger picture..


I am lucky to have opened my eyes to a lot of them… and to have people to tell me that the light I am walking towards is just a fake shiny bulb and not the real thing..
It saddens me to see a lot of people doing things that are against the moral ethics.. but no.. I am not going to try play God and push the bee away from the dusty tube-light.. Neither will it understand my intentions, nor will my actions result in success without squishing it or forcing it out of the window..



...






It is now 12 30 am and I check on it.. it is still there…on the light..but dirty..and probably tired.. : )


I guess all I can do is wait for the day when everything is bright and clear…and the warmth of the sun overpowers the “tube-light” and the bee can fly away to achieve its real destiny..



You truly are amazing.. : )

Bounce back..

The higher you reach, the harder you fall... Its the first time I stand by this philosphy.. and that too with regard to relationships..


Just realised that loyalty and commitment is not a favour. Its an amalgamation of something beautiful between two separate individuals.. Something that comes from within by choice to make the other person happy without being loud and showy about it.. I guess this is the reason I rarely express love by words.. It takes away the intensity.. Would very much prefer a person to feel it rather than to just hear it..


Anyway.. if we lived in a perfect world, words like betrayal, etc wont exist. Its so hard to accept it when someone we keep very close to our hearts just washes us off like a dirty stain in their perfectly packed lives.. Just need some anwers.. I cant help but wonder if there was any truth in that relationship at all.. Maybe... or Maybe not..


Guess being left without answers is good in a way... There is nothing more I can do from my part to make the relationship work.. kinda takes the pressure off.. :)


Honestly, I started writing to vent out my anger..but got this calm and acceptance suddenly.. strange huh..


And ya.. it was the best feeling when someone stood by me through all this and tried to make me feel better... hey.. did this person just give me back the same essence that I thought I lost .. ?? :)


Guess all I am trying to say is that, The higher you reach, the harder you fall... but the Harder you fall, the harder you BOUNCE back!


:) :)

Thanks..

Someone's watching over me...

We are so used to taking things for granted and crib about the small things in life.. Sometimes it takes a huge jolt for people to realise how lucky they are..
In my early teens (wow...early teens...did I make  it sound like I am all grown up!! ;) !!) I used to feel that I was at the brunt of everything bad happening in life! Be it flunking in an exam (For some reason, people think I am too brainy...genius types... so when I get low marks, everyone would go ;-OOOOO ), being mocked at for the school annual day dances (which I was never interested in the first place.. ), or having to beg and plead to start skating classes that I wanted to learn for fun.. (only to find myself being enrolled in skating competitions...taking away all the fun!!).. and having to replace skating by hindi tutions.. then science tutions..then maths tutuions.. (10th std!!).. and other personal secrets !! (no.. I am not going to tell you... :P) ..wow... I would never have believed it if someone said they were suffering more than me..


It was at that point where my imaginary dark clouds parted... :) I got introduced to two of my gurus (Jai Gurudev Kavitha didi :) :) .. GURUJI!! :) :) ...  ).. and my blotched, dusty windows were cleaned.. :D :D and everything had a nice rosy aura... I started smiling and was happy with everything.. life was good...
...
...
...
For a while!


Problems just keep getting bigger and more complex as we grow up... right?? So I found myself in a helpless spot again.. tried to cling on to a few people to make me feel better..( not realising that it was upto me to make any changes) ..


Yet again...just when I felt life was all messed up, I got another reality check.. YES+ ... :D :D By then, I was in 12th std.. Life looked up again.. But for some reason, I dint put in enough efforts and did very badly in my board exams.. I couldnt face anyone.. and my dad got a transfer... Fear of not getting selected in any college at all gripped me.. So... Down again..!


But my dad's long time friend by chance spoke to my dad and we got to know of more options..  I found myself with a place in the institute which boasts of being the No. 1 for Biotechnology..got my dream course!! How much luckier can one get?? So, high on spirits again... :)


But college life is not all that easy.. :) first of all, staying away from home.. a whole new lifestyle.. friends.. annoying hostel-mates.. ego clashes... possessiveness... mixture of good and bad!!
Slowly I realised that Biotechnology is not my cup of tea!! ;) But soon, I would find an interesting area of research and be back on board...reached 3rd year..time to look out for final year project.. searched high and low...nothing seemed to click... Then out of the blue, I get a chance to do the project as a team with my best friend in one of the best labs in India for 6 months..!! :D so.. again..yay!!


But once I reached Delhi...Ahem.. you can guess... in the dumps again.. Got shortlisted for a Phd degree in Mumbai... Stayed with my bro..Had very high hopes for the interview.. When I saw the campus, I was literally lusting for it.. :) :) And I felt the interview went quite well... so... :) :) ..but results were out... and yup.. rejected!! so.. :( :(  But then, Sajan and Mugdha talked me into doing YES+ again.. (Jai Gurudev Saleel Bhaiya!! :D.. )I dint want to do it because I was on leave just for the sake of the interview.. but ended up doing YES+.. and whoa!! This time, the eye opener was totally different!! :D :D In addition to just cleaning up my windows again, it was like adding a permanent coating of "shit-repellant"... :) :) :) :)


I came back home.. Got shortlisted for another Phd interview in Bangalore.. I screwed up the first round, but got selected for the next round.. I did the secound round well.. so with a sunny outlook that I am being taken care out, I check out the results... and ...... ..... .. .I wasnt selected!


Disappointed... months of doing nothin... Mom suddenly hears from my cousin about job openings in the company where he works.. Decide to give it a try even though it doesnt have a thing to do with what I have studied in B. Tech... Get selected!! and even more surprising, I now love this job!! I get selected in a project concerning Pharma industry.. a close relative of Biotech!! :P .. Land up with good team-mates... Can I ask for a greater level of comfort??


By now, I have learnt that whatever I do, the path always leads somewhere that is the best for me... Had I changed any one of the disappointing moments, I wouldn't have landed up here... I would probably be staring at petridishes in a lab!! (sorry kuki!! ;-) ... just kidding... ur work is really going to be a breakthrough!!).. But apart from this, I have also learnt that I am sure to face depressing moments.. no doubt about that at all...


Strangely, being resigned to possible setbacks in the future has made me immune to it... It is so much easier to live in the present and give my best efforts in everything I do... :D :D I think I have learnt to clean my windows..and when I cant, I just know for sure that someone who loves me a lot is watching over me...


Extremely grateful!! :D :D

My tryst with nature..

On 15th September, I had the privilege of visiting PFA, Bangalore. It was one of the most touching moments I have ever had.


A little bit about me. I am very very quiet and rarely express.. Makes people think that I dont care about anything or show any enthusiasm.. (which is kinda true :P ) But being with nature makes me feel so alive and makes me smile. I can spend hours looking at squirrels chasing each other.. pigeons squabbling over the water hole.. sparrows chirping..flying around happily.. crows picking up scraps of food and leaving half eaten stuff on our balcony.. ants swarming around a dead insect and gnawing their way into its exoskeleton.. a spider on the wall building its web.. rats running out from behind the storage place.. occasional snakes which find a way into our hostel.. bats which fly from one tree to another after the sun has set.. these little things make me get so excited..
I cant help but admire god's non-human children.. :)


Sadly, my mom has a severe phobia of the animal kingdom.. so I grew up without a pet at home :( :( My first wildlife rescue experience was when I found 2 baby squirrels on the lawn of my hostel. Waited for their mom to turn up but she dint.. They were getting bitten by ants and they were too young to walk away.. So my roommates, Lavanya, Prasanthi, Mahalakshmi and I, sneaked them into our room to look after them till they grow up. However this was the end of the semester with just a few days to go before which we all had to go home for around 20 days.. So we desperately hoped for Chikku and Chippi (christened by Gee .. ) to grow up within those few days left to go till our holidays. Unfortunately, nature takes its own sweet time :) With our bags packed to go home, we placed them in a cardboard box planning to leave them behind but I couldnt bring myself to it.. Unable to hide the tears in my eyes, I went back to the carboard box and decided to bring them home along with me till they were big enough.. :) Those days with them are so special for me. Along with my bro, we would feed them .. watch them chase other...run around..start climbing on whatever they could find.. eventually, they would run all over us..climb on our heads, sit on our shoulders.. and ya.. I guess babies of all species poop a lot!! ;-) :P 
I eventually had to leave to back to my hostel, leaving Chikku and Chippi in the care of my brother and Grandmother. The plan was to look after them and let them free in the park with lots of trees when they were quite big.

So, all was going on really well until Chikku fell ill. All of us were so worried. It hardly moved, sat still as if paralysed and would shiver badly. My parents tried to look for places where they could treat it and make it fine. I was so tensed... They found about PFA, People for Animals, an NGO that has dedicated itself to the welfare and rescue of wildlife of the region. Dr. Vetrivel who treated Chikku and brought it back to good health was very kind enough to keep me updated about its recovery and the other activities of PFA. I am extremely grateful for having been introduced to PFA.

So, now back to the start of my story. Now that college is over, I had a lot of time in Bangalore and I decided to get back in touch with my passion for wildlife and contacted Dr. and wanted to get more involved with PFA. This led me to visit them a few days back. I met other passionate volunteers and was given a tour of their place. I had a range of feelings... from being swept over by the cuteness of baby monkeys.. in awe of a blind female monkey that acts a surrogate mother to abandoned new-borns..sad, yet amazed at the resilience of a monkey that stumbled into electric wired and had its limbs amputated, and overcame the accident and has a strong will to live on.. Parakeets that had their wings clipped and were used by fortune tellers and are still in the habit of picking leaves in front of them (as they do with cards).. kites that were injured due to either flying into exposed wires.. or fell victim to people mindlessly hurling stones at them..turtles..squirrels.. snakes.. they always have their hands full.

They have a graveyard for pets and it was so special. Every grave stone told the story of how their pet touched their lives and made a difference. It made me realise the difference animals can have on people.. they are full of love.. something so pure and innocent about them. 

I was so lucky that day since I also got to accompany the volunteers for releasing the snakes which they rescue, back into the natural environment. We ventured quite deep into the thickets nearby and selected the right place.. The guys first released an adult cobra.. I just held my breath.. It was so beautiful. I couldnt help but respect the fact that its one of the deadliest snakes in the world. The guys who handled it, understood it perfectly.. handling it with grace.. The snake with its open hood and occasional hissing, had me totally hooked. When released, it quietly slithered away leaving me speechless!! :)

Rat snake

I got the honour of holding a rat snake in my hands before its release. I could feel it breathing.. its scales moving over my hands..it kept slithering quietly..flicking its toungue out.. I was told the right way to handle it.. calm it down.. :) I couldnt stop admiring its elegance. Its grace, made me realise how clumsy I was with it.. hope I get better :) Also got to release a wolf snake..It was quite squirmy..but once calmed down, it coiled neatly and could fit on the palm.. 

Wolf snake

An infant cobra was also released.. A saw scale viper.. Both quite deadly.. But watching them in front of me, I realised that the world would be incomplete without them.. We need to respect them and share our planet with the entirety of nature..the world is not exclusively ours. I have decided to do my part and help.. I regret not having done this sooner.. But atleast its a start.. Thanks to PFA

My little brother!!

Sajan.. Thinking of him, gets me through a mixture of emotions that only a brother can. He has been my friend, partner in mischief, wrestling rival, confidant, motivator, critic, always up for an annoying bicker, but ready to stand by me when least expected. 


I remember when we were little, I used to cook up stories about ghosts in the cleaning room and I remember the innocent, trusting look he used to give me. I am not sure if I was the "elder sister" figure.. but we sure had a lot of fun! 

how did I ever convince u to do this!

Sajan the joker.. in his element.. :P

jumping in muddy pools, hunting for bugs in the backyard, playing video games, trying to prepare our unique drink, watching fav cartoons together, we even tried to pull an all-nighter!! 

At mora beach..

If u feel my bro s not cute, I'll shoot u!

Sajan.. do you remember all of this??


I had taken having him around for granted.. Then he went to Vijayawada and slogged for 2 years.. I hardly spoke to him or met him then and I realised that I missed him a lot.. 
But after that, when we met up during holidays, we would be back to pulling each other's legs.. 


And his brains landed him in IIT-B and its probably the 2nd best thing that has happened to him. Besides the academic drill, he does a LOT of volunteering for over 4 NGOs, dynamically associated with The Art of Living, innovative projects, amazing with the guitar and flute (which he learnt on his own)..to name a few. I am so proud of all the work he is doing there. (http://ssajan.blogspot.com/) 


He has the most amazing friends .. I am really grateful to have spend time with all of them ..especially Pramod Bhaiya, Ashish, Mugdha.. I cannot imagine their faces without the warmth and a big smile :) I am sure they played a pivotal role in making him such a wonderful person. 


I was extremely sick when I met him in IIT.. He was so helpful and caring.. At that time, if anyone has asked me if Sajan is my elder bro, I would have said "yes!!".. He was always there for me when I was low and reminded me to keep smiling (another thing for which I am grateful, that Delhi happened)..I will never forget it..The most recent and sweet memory with him was when he "escorted" me to Trivandrum for my interview.. 



I cannot skip mentioning his special talents. He can make so many wierd noises.. he used to stand on our balcony and start "kaaa-ing" like a happy crow.. can imitate pigeons (since then I call him Sajan the Pigeon!! ).. dogs.. cats.. anything..!! :-)
Oh.. and he can move his ears independently and they are so soft and I enjoy twisting them till they turn red (he allows me to do this once in 3 years).. and I simply love playing with his eye lashes when he is asleep (fun to disturb him)!!



I never said it before, but Sajan, I really appreciate the things you do that make you a perfect brother..Looking forward to meeting you next. Continue to rock (and bug!!) everyone around you.. 

Happy Rakshabandhan!! 

(KROWA!! ;) 

Evolution of Homos. in Homo s.

“Sometimes men like women,

Sometimes men like men,

Then there are bisexuals,

But some say they are just kidding themselves.. “
Phoebe Buffay, on F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I always wondered why its such a big issue if women like women..or men like men. I mean, ideally speaking everyone should love everyone. Right? But I guess we don’t exactly live in an ideal world. Learnt that in school when we spent pages learning about the properties of ideal gases towards the end of which, we learnt that no gases show the idea behaviour!

So, here is my take on this subject of homosexuality on a light note..

So to be frank, nobody has a problem with people “liking” people of the same sex. They become one’s BFF’s. The problem is the physical attraction... sex with the same sex.

From nature’s point of view, every species needs to reproduce to sustain itself and evolve. Survival of the fittest etc... Right from bacteria to sperm whale, every living thing reproduces to sustain. So, how did homosexuality come about to be which is against the whole idea of nature’s laws..

That... we may never know for sure.

I always feel that nature has a way of bringing back things into balance. The need to sustain human population is no more a need. Maybe homosexuality is a response to balance the instinct to reproduce yet to not actually do it..

So, if you find yourself having homosexual tendencies, please don’t suppress it. You are probably evolved!!! :-)

 And of course, besides keeping yourself happy you will also be doing the world a favour!