Face off

With a dreary premonition of being hunted, she suddenly became alert. The sickening overpowering kick of fear and adrenalin seeping in, she prepared to scream and bolt.. realizing her solitude and no one to hear her scream for help she froze.. no way out from being attacked which happened as she foresaw.

However luck favored and she barely managed to escape with her precious life. The scars would remind her of the horror every day. Living under the shadow of pain and the need to put on a brave façade sucked the joy out of life. She swore to never walk on the path again.

They say time heals..but her time froze and ended with the attack.

But one day..she stumbled upon a rare special torch.. the fire lit on the torch was supposedly said to keep away these monsters which attacked her. Not just that.. it was prided for having the capacity to turn them into wonderful human beings!!

She was so skeptic.. She shuddered at the memory of being attacked and was reminded of the cruel inhuman creatures who showed no mercy.

But the mere possibility of the torch delivering its promise brought in courage and hope which she never felt for a long time! She had to walk down the path again and face her demons and put the past behind! It just had to be done.

She held on to the torch and gripped on it with all her life. The first few steps were so shaky but she held on. With a deep breath, she left the remorse and blame behind..slowly leading way to anger..

Built on her pace..walking faster now..the torch shone more brightly.. she looked around.. they did not dare come near. She was reminded of the little joys she shared on the way home.. the joy and laughter was still in the air and she was lost in reminiscence

The warmth of the torch touched her soul now and comforted her like nothing else ever did..

She knew she was safe.. and she was able to be happy again in the glow of the light! And we have a ‘happily ever after’.

I am really glad for her. But, what next..? I am  just waiting for her to now be inspired to use her torch to save the countless others.. : )

It will happen soon! : )

The Fire

The spark was lit and the flame came into existence.. nascent, pure and very fragile. She had to be fed with something flammable, dry and lot of air.. Took a breath in and the flame grew up higher.. spreading the warmth and light into the cold dark expanse..

 

 

 

An assortment of reactions towards the primordial fire.. fear, awe, trepidation, reverence, dread, curiosity… However as the fire grew, some learned that it keeps us warm in the cold.. can scare away large animals.. cook the meat and make food taste better..  hence she got a lot of attention and began to spread..

With a God-Like status, and more power, the infamous thing called ego began to creep up.. power and greed to be all she can be showed the ugly side of fire… soon became synonymous with destruction, death.. evil…

Maybe she got a feeling that if she had to show her potential, that meant for her to burn everything on her path.. and this was not a good image, for it brought fear rather than a sense of gratitude..

However, the very same fire which destroys acquired a spiritual significance.. It is “Tapas” which literally means fire/heat which will lead you to attain the state of Nirvana.. It was believed that an offering to the fire which is made out of grace will reach God. Fire and the Sun were again revered as a source of life..

 

Anyway.. I don’t think the evil potential of fire will ever be forgotten or forgiven. We will always be careful to avoid fire accidents.. but this does not stop us from lighting a flame for the Arthi or performing a Yajna..

If fire had a mind and a choice, I wonder which way it would choose.. Maybe that is highly irrelevant..

But what about the fire within us.. Are we going to aim and let the ego take over and burn away our lives in aimless pursuits… or are we going to aim to be the pure divine flame which brings warmth in our own lives and everyone else around us..

Expectations

The carpenter made a beautiful teak box. It was unique and one of a kind. Not sure if I can say that it was beautiful, because that depends on perception. But different it was.. something about it will draw a second glance the myriad pieces on display. Maybe objects have a personality of their own.. and I like to think that they do.. after all aren’t we all objects in the entire cosmic creation..

Better not to lose track of the box.. They came by.. most of the people dismissed the box instantly for numerous reasons.. utility.. aesthetics.. interiors.. décor.. material.. and many more..

This was fair.. for neither did the box want to be taken up in an environment where it doesn’t belong and wont be appreciated..

How often does it happen when someone has their attention on it, likes it and goes out of their way to procure the object for what it is… and as time goes by, expect the wooden teak box to act a magical disappearing broom cupboard.. Expect it to entertain you.. produce a genie that will listen to your rants and talk to you..  the box never promised any miracles… however it loses its initial charm..

There it ends.. in the bin.. neglected and forgotten

I really wondered how often could that happen..

All the time.. After all we all are objects in the entire cosmic creation who move and get moved (as we choose) by the humongous tide of expectations! 

Words are all i have...

Communication is one the lesser heeded feature of living beings.. I feel it is something that humans have taken for granted.. probably with the advent of languages and words to express, the onus to communicate something is perceived to be on “the other person”..

The link between words and the skill of expressing a thought can have so many dimensions.. I am going to ponder over a few thoughts that came to my mind.. :)

I truly believe that the strongest of relationships are when words are not necessary to hold it together. Look at a mother and her baby.. Communication happens at a totally different level. There is perfect understanding and sync of emotions that are easily picked up by the mother. Look at a person with his pet .. these relationships are not sustained on re-assuring words or justification .. It is a space where the connection happens at the soul level. It is the space where the pet feels completely taken care and showers so much of unconditional love. And when we realize that this and are the receiving end of such affection, it just makes our heart melt..There are no words spoken in exchange.. If it is possible for two beings of different species to connect at such a deep level, I wonder what goes wrong when two individuals of the same species, specifically, when the most intelligent species on the planet (us) come together..

On one hand, words are being highly exaggerated and blown out of proportion. We seem to have a tendency to look for deeper meaning behind words.. Be it good, or bad…

A lot of times, we get stuck..wondering what the other person meant by those words.. or continue to get depressed/de-motivated/angry without even accepting the tiny possibility that there could be another side to the story.. all because of words.. and we save it up in our mind, directly associated with negative feelings…ready to bring it up the court-room of drama as “evidence” ..which leads on to more clashes of words..  :P  (its really amusing to watch.. :D )

Honestly, this makes sense… and its quite understandable..

But I see another aspect of words, which is totally the opposite… where people take away all the meaning out of words and just use it for the sake of it..

Somebody.. please explain what “bull shit” really means.. The shit of a bull?? Really?? :) And why a bull specifically??
And I would really be grateful if anyone can justify the use of F words with a proper context with the meaning the word actually has..

Anyway.. the list of bad, abusive words is quite a long one.. and it doesn’t appeal to me that people are capable of using words just because they fall in that category, rather than expressing what they actually feel. Saying %^$&^%, !@#* , $#&( , #@%$ is not really going to make a difference.. because everyone knows that they are just meaningless abusive words. The only thing that comes across to me when I hear people use bad words is either that they are not aware of what they are doing… or they are really really frustrated..

Anyway.. I wrote this out to the people who fall in the first category.. if you are swearing for no apparent reason (except extreme frustration), just realize that those words you use actually make no sense and you have become the victim of a senseless fad.. I hope you want to be better than that.. :)

The Moth and the flame

Before the title gives you any ideas, let me tell you that I am going to be quite literal when I refer to a moth or the flame.. :P

So, I was looking out of the window last evening, taking in the fresh air, the cool breeze..when above the noisy din of the traffic, I heard the cacophony of a bee buzzing near the tube-light.

This is one of the things that everyone knows about Lepidoptera (ok.. its just the scientific name of moths..butterflies..and many other insects that fly! ) .. Though no one can give “the reason” for it.. Its almost like a drug for them..

Being an entomologist at heart, I brought my attention to the tiny thing flying around.. probably trying to find the brightest spot.. It would sit, groom itself, fly..sit..groom…And I couldn’t help but smile.. It was beautiful.. I was able to observe close details like the shape of its eyes, the tiny tufts of hair on its antennae, the shape of its legs, its breathing patterns .. it was cute.. : ) It makes me wonder in awe about the bounty of life and diversity in all of God’s creations.

However, I noticed that the tube-light was extremely dusty.. there was no place where the bee could sit without picking up a lot of dust balls.. this was interesting and new to me.. I wanted to see what the bee does when there is a lot of dust between it and its object of desire! : ) Having done a project on the behavior of wasps, I know for a fact that they hate dust or anything extra on their flimsy, weightless bodies..

Anyway, to my surprise, it continued to sit around the dusty bulb, gathering a lot of grime and kept struggling to shake it off.. I tried to wonder what it meant for the bee to go through this shit just to sit on a bulb.. if u don’t like the dirt, just fly away somewhere clean.. but no.. is it because the light represents some sort of a salvation..? And what makes you think that way? Because I am an average smart human being..and I know that the tube-light is not what it promises you. It was made by one of us to serve our purpose and comfort. It is not going to help you in any way..
Seriously.. it is not worth going through the irritation and dirt.. because I can see the bigger picture..


But hey.. nature is strange and complete and understanding in a way I may never fully understand. Even though a lot a things about nature seem so simple and pointless they are very comforting.. the perceived imperfection in the bee, is probably just the reflection of the imperfection in my own mind..


After all, aren’t we a lot more complicated and stupid.. how many people are drawn to a lot of vices.. like a moth to the flame.. until they see the bigger picture..


I am lucky to have opened my eyes to a lot of them… and to have people to tell me that the light I am walking towards is just a fake shiny bulb and not the real thing..
It saddens me to see a lot of people doing things that are against the moral ethics.. but no.. I am not going to try play God and push the bee away from the dusty tube-light.. Neither will it understand my intentions, nor will my actions result in success without squishing it or forcing it out of the window..



...






It is now 12 30 am and I check on it.. it is still there…on the light..but dirty..and probably tired.. : )


I guess all I can do is wait for the day when everything is bright and clear…and the warmth of the sun overpowers the “tube-light” and the bee can fly away to achieve its real destiny..



You truly are amazing.. : )

Bounce back..

The higher you reach, the harder you fall... Its the first time I stand by this philosphy.. and that too with regard to relationships..


Just realised that loyalty and commitment is not a favour. Its an amalgamation of something beautiful between two separate individuals.. Something that comes from within by choice to make the other person happy without being loud and showy about it.. I guess this is the reason I rarely express love by words.. It takes away the intensity.. Would very much prefer a person to feel it rather than to just hear it..


Anyway.. if we lived in a perfect world, words like betrayal, etc wont exist. Its so hard to accept it when someone we keep very close to our hearts just washes us off like a dirty stain in their perfectly packed lives.. Just need some anwers.. I cant help but wonder if there was any truth in that relationship at all.. Maybe... or Maybe not..


Guess being left without answers is good in a way... There is nothing more I can do from my part to make the relationship work.. kinda takes the pressure off.. :)


Honestly, I started writing to vent out my anger..but got this calm and acceptance suddenly.. strange huh..


And ya.. it was the best feeling when someone stood by me through all this and tried to make me feel better... hey.. did this person just give me back the same essence that I thought I lost .. ?? :)


Guess all I am trying to say is that, The higher you reach, the harder you fall... but the Harder you fall, the harder you BOUNCE back!


:) :)

Thanks..

Someone's watching over me...

We are so used to taking things for granted and crib about the small things in life.. Sometimes it takes a huge jolt for people to realise how lucky they are..
In my early teens (wow...early teens...did I make  it sound like I am all grown up!! ;) !!) I used to feel that I was at the brunt of everything bad happening in life! Be it flunking in an exam (For some reason, people think I am too brainy...genius types... so when I get low marks, everyone would go ;-OOOOO ), being mocked at for the school annual day dances (which I was never interested in the first place.. ), or having to beg and plead to start skating classes that I wanted to learn for fun.. (only to find myself being enrolled in skating competitions...taking away all the fun!!).. and having to replace skating by hindi tutions.. then science tutions..then maths tutuions.. (10th std!!).. and other personal secrets !! (no.. I am not going to tell you... :P) ..wow... I would never have believed it if someone said they were suffering more than me..


It was at that point where my imaginary dark clouds parted... :) I got introduced to two of my gurus (Jai Gurudev Kavitha didi :) :) .. GURUJI!! :) :) ...  ).. and my blotched, dusty windows were cleaned.. :D :D and everything had a nice rosy aura... I started smiling and was happy with everything.. life was good...
...
...
...
For a while!


Problems just keep getting bigger and more complex as we grow up... right?? So I found myself in a helpless spot again.. tried to cling on to a few people to make me feel better..( not realising that it was upto me to make any changes) ..


Yet again...just when I felt life was all messed up, I got another reality check.. YES+ ... :D :D By then, I was in 12th std.. Life looked up again.. But for some reason, I dint put in enough efforts and did very badly in my board exams.. I couldnt face anyone.. and my dad got a transfer... Fear of not getting selected in any college at all gripped me.. So... Down again..!


But my dad's long time friend by chance spoke to my dad and we got to know of more options..  I found myself with a place in the institute which boasts of being the No. 1 for Biotechnology..got my dream course!! How much luckier can one get?? So, high on spirits again... :)


But college life is not all that easy.. :) first of all, staying away from home.. a whole new lifestyle.. friends.. annoying hostel-mates.. ego clashes... possessiveness... mixture of good and bad!!
Slowly I realised that Biotechnology is not my cup of tea!! ;) But soon, I would find an interesting area of research and be back on board...reached 3rd year..time to look out for final year project.. searched high and low...nothing seemed to click... Then out of the blue, I get a chance to do the project as a team with my best friend in one of the best labs in India for 6 months..!! :D so.. again..yay!!


But once I reached Delhi...Ahem.. you can guess... in the dumps again.. Got shortlisted for a Phd degree in Mumbai... Stayed with my bro..Had very high hopes for the interview.. When I saw the campus, I was literally lusting for it.. :) :) And I felt the interview went quite well... so... :) :) ..but results were out... and yup.. rejected!! so.. :( :(  But then, Sajan and Mugdha talked me into doing YES+ again.. (Jai Gurudev Saleel Bhaiya!! :D.. )I dint want to do it because I was on leave just for the sake of the interview.. but ended up doing YES+.. and whoa!! This time, the eye opener was totally different!! :D :D In addition to just cleaning up my windows again, it was like adding a permanent coating of "shit-repellant"... :) :) :) :)


I came back home.. Got shortlisted for another Phd interview in Bangalore.. I screwed up the first round, but got selected for the next round.. I did the secound round well.. so with a sunny outlook that I am being taken care out, I check out the results... and ...... ..... .. .I wasnt selected!


Disappointed... months of doing nothin... Mom suddenly hears from my cousin about job openings in the company where he works.. Decide to give it a try even though it doesnt have a thing to do with what I have studied in B. Tech... Get selected!! and even more surprising, I now love this job!! I get selected in a project concerning Pharma industry.. a close relative of Biotech!! :P .. Land up with good team-mates... Can I ask for a greater level of comfort??


By now, I have learnt that whatever I do, the path always leads somewhere that is the best for me... Had I changed any one of the disappointing moments, I wouldn't have landed up here... I would probably be staring at petridishes in a lab!! (sorry kuki!! ;-) ... just kidding... ur work is really going to be a breakthrough!!).. But apart from this, I have also learnt that I am sure to face depressing moments.. no doubt about that at all...


Strangely, being resigned to possible setbacks in the future has made me immune to it... It is so much easier to live in the present and give my best efforts in everything I do... :D :D I think I have learnt to clean my windows..and when I cant, I just know for sure that someone who loves me a lot is watching over me...


Extremely grateful!! :D :D