Waiting for the silver lining...

I remember having a chat with a friend on a hypothetical situation of the end of technology, going back to the stone ages and having to defend ourselves against the fury of nature. One would imagine that stressful situations, disasters and natural calamities bring out the worst in people. It only seems logical. They could either bring out the worst in people … or bring out the very best possible. And I am so grateful for having witnessed the best!

I was almost living that hypothetical situation for 3 fateful days from 1st to 3rd December, 2015 when Chennai faced the worst rains and floods in the last 100 years! I was separated from my husband and had no way of reaching him or my family. I was welcomed into my friend’s place (a spirit mirrored by thousands others who took in unprepared individuals stranded in the city with no means to make it home). I feel lucky to have merely survived rains, power cuts and no mobile network while the worse hit areas of the city are still awaiting rescue operations that could result in life or death.. awaiting basic amenities like drinking water, food, shelter. 

One can just be a mere spectator while we face a power bigger than us all and hold hands to help save each other. This is what I experienced. People opening up their homes to complete strangers, putting the needs of children and elderly before their own, rushing for aid unasked, first hand, or financial, or acting as guides to provide relevant transfer of information. I saw celebrities use their power and reach to do good, spread the right call and actionable messages..I saw my friends from neighbouring cities gather relief material and travel all the way to the affected areas.. I saw people stepping out of their houses to help others rather than to simply salvage whatever possible for themselves. I saw people take action rather than simply point fingers at "God", “The Man”, “The Govt”, “amma” or whatever be it..It shows what is our ultimate priority and I urge you to hold that close.

Its a simple choice made by the majority of people.. to act humane and do the right thing. I would like to believe that everybody has this feeling in their heart.. to reach out and help others in need. Open your eyes and see how you can make the world a better place. You might not be able to save an entire city.. But your actions can help atleast one person and provide relief for a couple of minutes/hours. I believe that is the need of the hour. We are very much capable of altruism… Just need to avoid the poison of media and politics.. 

This is now personal. I want to play my small part to get the city and the people back on their feet. I hope you are inspired to join… 

Ants and the grasshopper!

“It’s a bug-eat-bug world out there, Princess.” – Hopper, from “A bug’s life”

In the field one summer day was an assiduous ant, toiling away..

Hindered by an unbashed hopper, looming with pretense, a show-stopper..

For being the ant’s leader, he felt mandated to be the deal breaker

Mumbled the ant with dread, “Morning sire.. wish you a lovely day ahead”

With his cold unforgiving gaze, you wished he would vanish into a maze..

“A lovely day with you.. never, Maybe when hell freezes over”

One eventually cease to mollify, cause the attempt can never pacify.

“What is good should be better.. else I’ll rub into your eyes, hot chilly pepper”

“I have set your target.. all you have to do is slog, and your happiness – Forget”

“You may try to lament for the man.. but I say “hats off to your plan””

Our little ant could take no more, in his dreams, was the hopper and gore..

Over a cup of honey and fruit ripe, he found more souls with the same gripe..

The rebel in ants united.. something within them was now ignited.

Of populace they could boast..together, they command the mercy of the host..

Drove away the hopper they did.. out came an apology with a solid bid..

With the celebratory twine into the needle, now entered a nasty beetle!

Impeding cycle of domination, frustration.. rebellion will become an easy relation.

Ants would eventually see the hard part..which is simply to stand together for the fight!

*****************************

We have all faced villains in our lives. I would now like to thank all the people who have bullied me at different points in my life: right from my childhood, till date. These people have made life painful and unbearable to deal !

They are excellent at making people feel worthless and suck the self-esteem right out of their persona. But within each of us, lies a fighting spirit which is waiting to come out and defend the wonderful person that you are! Sometimes, all you have to do when you are out up against a bully is to join hands with another person who is a target and jointly stand up for the common cause!

Villains come and go. Thank them… for you will make such strong bonds that will last forever. And finally, it is because of them that you have the chance to be the hero in your own story!

My Licensed Dating!

 Right now I am at the crux, (rather.. a few months away) of a life changing event. On January 26^th 2015, I will become a wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, and be a part of a whole new family. Wow.. I can hardly imagine that I am old enough for that. I still feel like a little girl who loves to lie on my mother’s lap and be pampered.

A lot of people have been asking me how I am feeling about the whole process. And my answer would always be a single word reply “Good.. (accompanied with my standard classic smile).

“Are you happy” … “Yes”

“Are you tensed” … “No”

“Excited? Nervous?” … “Sort of.. not really”

But to be fair to everyone who are curious and to record my own emotions at this point of life, I feel obliged to elaborate on the whole experience. Probably, if not for this blog, I might have not even been considered to be a suitable partner by Gokul. So here is another sentiment prodding me to post about my experience.

The first comforting factor is that my parents just cannot stop talking about how understanding and open minded they are. To the point of saying, “even we would not be as understanding as they are”. This is now my dad’s standard dialogue after every phone call with Gokul’s parents, “Priyanka, you are so lucky. They are such wonderful people”.

When I look back as to how it started, it was hardly 2 months ago. The very fact that being apprehensive of an arranged marriage, and now being happily engaged should say it all. :-) And the whole process feel normal, just like it is meant to happen. Hence the lack of anxiety (to be precise.. Lack of visible excietment)

And the more I get to know them, the more I get the feeling of “meant to happen” which makes me feel taken care of.

I always dreamt that my future husband should be an animal lover. But turns out that Gokul is scared of dogs. Yet knowing my love for animals, has agreed to have a pet doggy for my sake. And help him overcome his fear of animals. This is even better than a plain animal lover in my opinion. :D 
This is just one of the minor details which I can expound upon.He is the kind of a guy who sees me as I am, tries his best to understand me and accept me wholeheartedly. He probably knows more about me than I do about him. 

And maybe it breaks his heart when he feels that I am not curious to know him too. But I do know one thing about him for sure...I know that he is the guy for me. And when we have the rest of our life ahead, small stories and incidents can always wait right? ;-) 

 I look at Gokul’s mother and the care and patience she took in preparing and personalizing all the decorative items for the engagement. Attention lies in the details, and every single detail just spoke about her enthusiasm and care for us. I was mentally prepared to hear some advice on how I need to start learning some household work for the future, but not a single word was ever mentioned. In fact, she consoled me saying that even her daughter picked up cooking after marriage, so I need not worry. And that I can have a cook to manage the juggle between office and home. I was on cloud 9. :-D This makes me feel relaxed. When I take the step to improve my culinary skills, it will now be through interest rather than the pressure.

I see Gokul’s dad. And the open mind he had when my grandpa was not well was touching. Absolutely no pressure. He was so calm and supportive to make things easier for my parents during the tough moment.

Gokul’s sister, who is very sweet and kind hearted. She seems to be the kind of a person who sees her happiness in other people’s happiness.

With such a wonderful family, why would I worry about anything?

This is not to say that I never had my moments of anxiety right before the engagement. :-D It is funny how sometimes we take friends for granted, and never realize that just having them nearby can make such a big difference. 

I don’t think the day would have been smooth without them. Mahalakshmis’, Malathi, Vaidhi, Sowmi, Satya, Sudha and all the others… Without your physical presence near me and the immense help which you all did for us, I would have definitely freaked out more than once. ;-D

You guys being there was a major reason to keep me happy and smiling.

I know it doesn’t make sense to thank parents, but I am extremely grateful to them for making things so easy for me. They were always with me, supporting me at every step and where I am at this point is because of their guidance, encouragement and love.
Thanks to Sajan for being there and taking the time-off from becoming the dhrupad super singer just for me. He lightens the whole atmosphere and make people feel sane by trying to drive them insane! :-P

Finally, another reason why I feel normal about it… I know for certain that He is looking after me. Thanks Guruji, I feel extremely blessed

When Gray was my brightest color

 This might be one of the hardest post I ever had to write. Even as I begin to think about him, I choke and need to hold back my tears. Being with Tinku was one of the best things that could have happened in my life. I have to talk about him however hurtful it might be.

I was so curious and bubbling with enthusiasm when my friend told me that she got a pet baby rabbit. I was painfully counting the seconds tick away until I could go meet the tiny cute rabbit… I finally packed up from office and went over to her flat, and there he was.. a tiny Gray ball of fur with long ears and big black pearls of eyes. He was so tiny that we were not even sure if it was girl or a boy rabbit (Eventually we figured out that he was a dude :-D )

He was so timid of us - giant humans and would shy away. But being the curious guy that he was, he couldn't resist anything new. It wasn't long before he came near my and started sniffing me, going around me in circles making tiny hops. Occasional bumps with his tiny pink nose… I later read up that this is a rabbit’s way of checking out stuff and maybe it was his way of saying “hi”. I took him on my lap and was stroking this adorable little thing making him comfortable… Maybe he got a bit too comfortable seeing that he dint mind using my lap as a litter box. :D

Not for the pee and tiny droplets or poo on my lap.. but I fell in love with this little guy. It was a part of my routine to visit him every morning. As soon as he would see one of us near the door, he would start scratching the door to be let out free. We would watch the excited little bunny scurry around, while we cleared his litter. Bonding with the little adorable guy also brought me closer to my friend there  as well :-)

Even though he was technically not mine, I thought of him as my baby.. :D I would swoon at his every jump and twist, the playful nod, curiosity to open the kitchen cupboards and sit inside them, get under the tiny gap beneath the fridge, jump into the laundry bag, nibble the books lying around, chew the paint off the walls, rummage through the dustbin and create a mess.. Chew away every single wire within reach..scratch..bite..lick..run.. this guy..he was so naughty. He definitely had a personality of his own : - )

Hey! are you clicking my picture?

He generally likes his own free space and detests being picked up. He would squirm and try to get away. I would hence glare if any random person came and tried to lift him and pet him. Even though he wasn't mine.. I grew so attached to him.

Eventually, the situation required for the tiny bunny to get a new home. And my happiness knew no bounds when I got to take care of him. I still remember bringing him home. I had arranged for a tiny box just to carry him home. He was petrified when I put him in the box. Would try to run away. His big eyes bulged out in fear.. deep shallow quick rapid breaths.. I tried my best to pat him and console him. We finally introduced him to his new place.. Hardly 5 minutes.. All the fear was gone. He was exploring his new home.. sniffing around.. probably selecting his favourite spots.. and immediately started his binkys. Binky is a cute rabbit dance, where he runs, and jumps in the air and does a body twist (or multiple body twists) and shaking his long ears behind him. That was the best possible moment. To see “Tinku” enjoying himself.. Completely

Tinku enjoying a lazy siesta

He soon became loved by everyone in the house, including my mom (who had proclaimed that she hates animals). He would eagerly play with any kids who visited too. He picked the habit of banging his plate against the cage to draw out attention. He could melt anyone’s heart with his playfulness, innocence, energy, charm, trust on us and of course the oodles and oodles of cuteness. Not to mention that he was so smart. He was like the king of the house.. pampered.. played with.. cared for so gently. I always wondered if he was happy with us. But then I would look at him run around.. do another binky, run to me, or tease my mom while she was hanging out clothes.. I knew that he was happy with us too. I could feel it in his eyes.

We however wanted to make him more at ease with the company of another rabbit, and got him neutered. After the surgery, he was so dull that it broke my heart. Tinku was everything that he was not. So listless and low. He would just lie down and hardly eat. However this was just the recovery phase and much to my delight, he was back in form. This was when we introduced him to his lady, a delicate white rabbit with pinkish eyes, “Pinky”. While Tinku was so curious and loved to jump on us/scratch us or play around, Pinky was a quiet shy girl who was scared of us and would not move around much. I guess opposites attract in the animal kingdom as well.

Complementing each other like Salt and Pepper!

So much of love !! :-)

Tinku and Pinky – They bonded so well, and so quickly. They were always sitting together, sticking to each other, grooming each other. I was worried that Tinku might become bit detached from us because of his new friend. But that was not so. : - ) he would still come to us and lie down near us and ask to be petted. I would beam and think “that’s my boy”. Pinky slowly came to trust us and they both would cuddle together and I would pat them simultaneously. And they would gently grind their teeth in pleasure and relax. These were the good days.

Always together..

The monsoon of 2013 took an ugly turn and seemed to affect Tinku. He was hardly 2 years old then. He lost his appetite and would hardly move. This worried us terribly, when we sure that it is not one of his food strike (He would be very choosy of his food, and not touch it if we put the same vegetables on consecutive days). We immediately took him to a nearby doctor who suggested that it might be a tooth infection and pain due to which he cannot bite. He gave Tinku a dose of antibiotics. Tinku still did not improve. His temperature went low and was troubling. We took him to the doctor again who said it might be some infection or indigestion. Doc gave him a dose of antibiotics and some vitamin supplements and packaged apple juice to be given as supplement, and glucose. We went ahead but did not see much improvement. At this point, we were worried sick with his deteriorating condition. We would also feed him mashed rice, mixed with water or juice.

When the condition still did not improve, and we went back to the doc, he gave up and said this is the normal lifespan of rabbits, and apparently nothing could be done further. I would like to add a piece of advice here which I should have done for Tinku. If you are taking your pet to a Vet, Please ensure that they are well knowledgeable to treat your animal. Most of the Vets only know to handle dogs or cats. However, it is always better to show your animal to someone who knows the field thoroughly. If you cannot find any local vet to treat your animal, you can always get a consult from the city Veterinary Collage, which would most certainly have a hospital attached.

We later got to know that apple juice is acidic and must not be given to rabbits. 

We found another doctor by luck who could diagnose Tinku and was alarmed at his condition and explained and showed the symptoms of slight yellowing in his mouth, eyes and ears indicating a liver problem. And the paleness in his ears. She immediately got us started on a liver activation and another tonic for supplements. Tinku improved and I was hopeful of his recovery. I prayed for him and my prayers were answered. He started eating solid food on his own.. Bit of sprouts, channa, spinach. Meanwhile Pinky was kept separated from him in case the infection was contagious.

It was a Sunday – November 17^th 2013 when my mom and I went to give Tinku his morning dose of medicine. He was positive and responsive and gobbled up his channa and sprouts after that. We went for his afternoon dose. He was low and dull. I could sense something wrong and stayed with him throughout. I carried him to my room against the cries of my mom of rabbit hair in the bedroom. I was talking to him and asking him to cheer up. Took him for a walk around the house.. He was so dull that it worried me. It pained me badly to see him like that. It seemed like he was tired and terribly weak. He was in my arms all day. And my mom joined me for his next dose of medicine. I held him to open his mouth, so my mom could pour it in. His head just rolled back in a very uncomfortable manner and he did not swallow the medicine. We got worried and my mom rushed inside to reach for her mobile and call the Doc to for advice. Tinku was still in my arms, breathing. But the breaths were ragged and broken. Not as usual. He suddenly opened his mouth, eyes wide open.. shivered vigorously. There was a choking sound.. and then suddenly he was completely still. He was still in my arms. I couldn’t grasp what had just happened. No.. He was fine in the morning. He was eating. He was moving around. He was okay. Tinku..wake up. But he dint.

Everyone tried to console me.. I couldn’t take it. I still cannot. I still feel guilty that the tiny rabbit trusted me.. and I couldn’t look after him. 

Tinku.. I am sorry, I failed you. I couldn’t give you the best care. I am still tortured that your last moments were in pain. You were in my arms but I couldn’t help you. I dint know how. I hope you could know how much I loved you. Wherever you are, I hope you found peace and have your playful, loving and inquisitive spirit.

Not just me. You left Pinky alone too. 

She doesn’t say, but she misses you. She is slowly bonding with me. She spends time with me. She is a shy, docile girl unlike you. While you would run and scratch and jump, she prefers to sit. But she is not comfortable with me. I think she knows how much I love her, because she comes quietly and cuddles against my leg and makes the deep gentle tooth grind when I pat her. I hope I can keep pinky happy. She has slowly started doing binky. She plays a bit.. and comes and sits on my lap. Now she is my baby. I hope I can keep her happy and healthy for a long time.

Tinku, when you left me, it broke my heart. I still cry when I look at your pictures and videos. But thanks a lot for coming into my life and for loving me. If I could get a chance to take care of you again, I would do it a hundred time over. I am extremely thankful for all the memories and joy that you have given me. You changed my life. You made it brighter. At times, you were the only person who could make me smile and brighten the day.. just by being you. I miss you…more than I can say

Food for Thought!

Often we have many experiences throughout our lives. But its very rare when it touches that deep chord in ones heart… rather in my case, a strong blow to the heated up experience. It will stay with me forever. This happened during my daily commute to my workplace.

The slow inching Bangalore traffic at the speed of 150 m/s came to a halt at yet another signal. I was sitting at the window and decided to look around, also looking to pass the time before my patience wades away.

The bus had halted right in front of a butcher shop. I usually shun away from the stench and gore associated with it. However, I was looking at the birds in their cages. Some were sitting idly in the corner, one just got up and sat to another corner, one went over and had some sort of a squabble with its cell mate, another one was pecking away at the bucket placed in the corner. I was fascinated for some reason. I was looking at this one bird which was looking outside the cage, when it suddenly started shrieking terribly followed by all the other birds in the cage.

This man was walking towards the cage, unmindful of their cries. The sheer struggle and plead of every bird in the cage to escape his clutches of death was so painful to bear. You don’t need to be a Dr Dolittle to know what those cries mean. Despite having had no freedom and being cooped within a cage all its life, it fought as viciously as it could, pleaded as desperately as possible to be spared its life.

It broke my heart…

And to imagine that some random human being would consume the dead body of an animal that went through so much pain just moments before it was killed (not to mention its lifelong struggle to be fed and grown to health, only to be slaughtered).

I implore all the non vegetarians to have this experience. Please go to the nearest butcher shop, and watch the butcher pick out the bird from the cage, listen and take in every cry, every tremor and shriek from the birds.. Watch him take out his knife and kill the bird and skin it for you. And then proceed to consume your priced chicken.

: - (

For those who can stay through the whole process, and still proceed to eat the chicken, I honestly marvel at your strength (Read as ‘insensitivity’).

There are a lot of reasons to go veg which have been expounded very well: http://www.vegetariantimes.com/article/why-go-veg-learn-about-becoming-a-vegetarian/

However this is my opinion which struck my mind deeply.

Face off

With a dreary premonition of being hunted, she suddenly became alert. The sickening overpowering kick of fear and adrenalin seeping in, she prepared to scream and bolt.. realizing her solitude and no one to hear her scream for help she froze.. no way out from being attacked which happened as she foresaw.

However luck favored and she barely managed to escape with her precious life. The scars would remind her of the horror every day. Living under the shadow of pain and the need to put on a brave façade sucked the joy out of life. She swore to never walk on the path again.

They say time heals..but her time froze and ended with the attack.

But one day..she stumbled upon a rare special torch.. the fire lit on the torch was supposedly said to keep away these monsters which attacked her. Not just that.. it was prided for having the capacity to turn them into wonderful human beings!!

She was so skeptic.. She shuddered at the memory of being attacked and was reminded of the cruel inhuman creatures who showed no mercy.

But the mere possibility of the torch delivering its promise brought in courage and hope which she never felt for a long time! She had to walk down the path again and face her demons and put the past behind! It just had to be done.

She held on to the torch and gripped on it with all her life. The first few steps were so shaky but she held on. With a deep breath, she left the remorse and blame behind..slowly leading way to anger..

Built on her pace..walking faster now..the torch shone more brightly.. she looked around.. they did not dare come near. She was reminded of the little joys she shared on the way home.. the joy and laughter was still in the air and she was lost in reminiscence

The warmth of the torch touched her soul now and comforted her like nothing else ever did..

She knew she was safe.. and she was able to be happy again in the glow of the light! And we have a ‘happily ever after’.

I am really glad for her. But, what next..? I am  just waiting for her to now be inspired to use her torch to save the countless others.. : )

It will happen soon! : )

The Fire

The spark was lit and the flame came into existence.. nascent, pure and very fragile. She had to be fed with something flammable, dry and lot of air.. Took a breath in and the flame grew up higher.. spreading the warmth and light into the cold dark expanse..

 

 

 

An assortment of reactions towards the primordial fire.. fear, awe, trepidation, reverence, dread, curiosity… However as the fire grew, some learned that it keeps us warm in the cold.. can scare away large animals.. cook the meat and make food taste better..  hence she got a lot of attention and began to spread..

With a God-Like status, and more power, the infamous thing called ego began to creep up.. power and greed to be all she can be showed the ugly side of fire… soon became synonymous with destruction, death.. evil…

Maybe she got a feeling that if she had to show her potential, that meant for her to burn everything on her path.. and this was not a good image, for it brought fear rather than a sense of gratitude..

However, the very same fire which destroys acquired a spiritual significance.. It is “Tapas” which literally means fire/heat which will lead you to attain the state of Nirvana.. It was believed that an offering to the fire which is made out of grace will reach God. Fire and the Sun were again revered as a source of life..

 

Anyway.. I don’t think the evil potential of fire will ever be forgotten or forgiven. We will always be careful to avoid fire accidents.. but this does not stop us from lighting a flame for the Arthi or performing a Yajna..

If fire had a mind and a choice, I wonder which way it would choose.. Maybe that is highly irrelevant..

But what about the fire within us.. Are we going to aim and let the ego take over and burn away our lives in aimless pursuits… or are we going to aim to be the pure divine flame which brings warmth in our own lives and everyone else around us..