My Licensed Dating!

 Right now I am at the crux, (rather.. a few months away) of a life changing event. On January 26^th 2015, I will become a wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, and be a part of a whole new family. Wow.. I can hardly imagine that I am old enough for that. I still feel like a little girl who loves to lie on my mother’s lap and be pampered.

A lot of people have been asking me how I am feeling about the whole process. And my answer would always be a single word reply “Good.. (accompanied with my standard classic smile).

“Are you happy” … “Yes”

“Are you tensed” … “No”

“Excited? Nervous?” … “Sort of.. not really”

But to be fair to everyone who are curious and to record my own emotions at this point of life, I feel obliged to elaborate on the whole experience. Probably, if not for this blog, I might have not even been considered to be a suitable partner by Gokul. So here is another sentiment prodding me to post about my experience.

The first comforting factor is that my parents just cannot stop talking about how understanding and open minded they are. To the point of saying, “even we would not be as understanding as they are”. This is now my dad’s standard dialogue after every phone call with Gokul’s parents, “Priyanka, you are so lucky. They are such wonderful people”.

When I look back as to how it started, it was hardly 2 months ago. The very fact that being apprehensive of an arranged marriage, and now being happily engaged should say it all. :-) And the whole process feel normal, just like it is meant to happen. Hence the lack of anxiety (to be precise.. Lack of visible excietment)

And the more I get to know them, the more I get the feeling of “meant to happen” which makes me feel taken care of.

I always dreamt that my future husband should be an animal lover. But turns out that Gokul is scared of dogs. Yet knowing my love for animals, has agreed to have a pet doggy for my sake. And help him overcome his fear of animals. This is even better than a plain animal lover in my opinion. :D 
This is just one of the minor details which I can expound upon.He is the kind of a guy who sees me as I am, tries his best to understand me and accept me wholeheartedly. He probably knows more about me than I do about him. 

And maybe it breaks his heart when he feels that I am not curious to know him too. But I do know one thing about him for sure...I know that he is the guy for me. And when we have the rest of our life ahead, small stories and incidents can always wait right? ;-) 

 I look at Gokul’s mother and the care and patience she took in preparing and personalizing all the decorative items for the engagement. Attention lies in the details, and every single detail just spoke about her enthusiasm and care for us. I was mentally prepared to hear some advice on how I need to start learning some household work for the future, but not a single word was ever mentioned. In fact, she consoled me saying that even her daughter picked up cooking after marriage, so I need not worry. And that I can have a cook to manage the juggle between office and home. I was on cloud 9. :-D This makes me feel relaxed. When I take the step to improve my culinary skills, it will now be through interest rather than the pressure.

I see Gokul’s dad. And the open mind he had when my grandpa was not well was touching. Absolutely no pressure. He was so calm and supportive to make things easier for my parents during the tough moment.

Gokul’s sister, who is very sweet and kind hearted. She seems to be the kind of a person who sees her happiness in other people’s happiness.

With such a wonderful family, why would I worry about anything?

This is not to say that I never had my moments of anxiety right before the engagement. :-D It is funny how sometimes we take friends for granted, and never realize that just having them nearby can make such a big difference. 

I don’t think the day would have been smooth without them. Mahalakshmis’, Malathi, Vaidhi, Sowmi, Satya, Sudha and all the others… Without your physical presence near me and the immense help which you all did for us, I would have definitely freaked out more than once. ;-D

You guys being there was a major reason to keep me happy and smiling.

I know it doesn’t make sense to thank parents, but I am extremely grateful to them for making things so easy for me. They were always with me, supporting me at every step and where I am at this point is because of their guidance, encouragement and love.
Thanks to Sajan for being there and taking the time-off from becoming the dhrupad super singer just for me. He lightens the whole atmosphere and make people feel sane by trying to drive them insane! :-P

Finally, another reason why I feel normal about it… I know for certain that He is looking after me. Thanks Guruji, I feel extremely blessed

When Gray was my brightest color

 This might be one of the hardest post I ever had to write. Even as I begin to think about him, I choke and need to hold back my tears. Being with Tinku was one of the best things that could have happened in my life. I have to talk about him however hurtful it might be.

I was so curious and bubbling with enthusiasm when my friend told me that she got a pet baby rabbit. I was painfully counting the seconds tick away until I could go meet the tiny cute rabbit… I finally packed up from office and went over to her flat, and there he was.. a tiny Gray ball of fur with long ears and big black pearls of eyes. He was so tiny that we were not even sure if it was girl or a boy rabbit (Eventually we figured out that he was a dude :-D )

He was so timid of us - giant humans and would shy away. But being the curious guy that he was, he couldn't resist anything new. It wasn't long before he came near my and started sniffing me, going around me in circles making tiny hops. Occasional bumps with his tiny pink nose… I later read up that this is a rabbit’s way of checking out stuff and maybe it was his way of saying “hi”. I took him on my lap and was stroking this adorable little thing making him comfortable… Maybe he got a bit too comfortable seeing that he dint mind using my lap as a litter box. :D

Not for the pee and tiny droplets or poo on my lap.. but I fell in love with this little guy. It was a part of my routine to visit him every morning. As soon as he would see one of us near the door, he would start scratching the door to be let out free. We would watch the excited little bunny scurry around, while we cleared his litter. Bonding with the little adorable guy also brought me closer to my friend there  as well :-)

Even though he was technically not mine, I thought of him as my baby.. :D I would swoon at his every jump and twist, the playful nod, curiosity to open the kitchen cupboards and sit inside them, get under the tiny gap beneath the fridge, jump into the laundry bag, nibble the books lying around, chew the paint off the walls, rummage through the dustbin and create a mess.. Chew away every single wire within reach..scratch..bite..lick..run.. this guy..he was so naughty. He definitely had a personality of his own : - )

Hey! are you clicking my picture?

He generally likes his own free space and detests being picked up. He would squirm and try to get away. I would hence glare if any random person came and tried to lift him and pet him. Even though he wasn't mine.. I grew so attached to him.

Eventually, the situation required for the tiny bunny to get a new home. And my happiness knew no bounds when I got to take care of him. I still remember bringing him home. I had arranged for a tiny box just to carry him home. He was petrified when I put him in the box. Would try to run away. His big eyes bulged out in fear.. deep shallow quick rapid breaths.. I tried my best to pat him and console him. We finally introduced him to his new place.. Hardly 5 minutes.. All the fear was gone. He was exploring his new home.. sniffing around.. probably selecting his favourite spots.. and immediately started his binkys. Binky is a cute rabbit dance, where he runs, and jumps in the air and does a body twist (or multiple body twists) and shaking his long ears behind him. That was the best possible moment. To see “Tinku” enjoying himself.. Completely

Tinku enjoying a lazy siesta

He soon became loved by everyone in the house, including my mom (who had proclaimed that she hates animals). He would eagerly play with any kids who visited too. He picked the habit of banging his plate against the cage to draw out attention. He could melt anyone’s heart with his playfulness, innocence, energy, charm, trust on us and of course the oodles and oodles of cuteness. Not to mention that he was so smart. He was like the king of the house.. pampered.. played with.. cared for so gently. I always wondered if he was happy with us. But then I would look at him run around.. do another binky, run to me, or tease my mom while she was hanging out clothes.. I knew that he was happy with us too. I could feel it in his eyes.

We however wanted to make him more at ease with the company of another rabbit, and got him neutered. After the surgery, he was so dull that it broke my heart. Tinku was everything that he was not. So listless and low. He would just lie down and hardly eat. However this was just the recovery phase and much to my delight, he was back in form. This was when we introduced him to his lady, a delicate white rabbit with pinkish eyes, “Pinky”. While Tinku was so curious and loved to jump on us/scratch us or play around, Pinky was a quiet shy girl who was scared of us and would not move around much. I guess opposites attract in the animal kingdom as well.

Complementing each other like Salt and Pepper!

So much of love !! :-)

Tinku and Pinky – They bonded so well, and so quickly. They were always sitting together, sticking to each other, grooming each other. I was worried that Tinku might become bit detached from us because of his new friend. But that was not so. : - ) he would still come to us and lie down near us and ask to be petted. I would beam and think “that’s my boy”. Pinky slowly came to trust us and they both would cuddle together and I would pat them simultaneously. And they would gently grind their teeth in pleasure and relax. These were the good days.

Always together..

The monsoon of 2013 took an ugly turn and seemed to affect Tinku. He was hardly 2 years old then. He lost his appetite and would hardly move. This worried us terribly, when we sure that it is not one of his food strike (He would be very choosy of his food, and not touch it if we put the same vegetables on consecutive days). We immediately took him to a nearby doctor who suggested that it might be a tooth infection and pain due to which he cannot bite. He gave Tinku a dose of antibiotics. Tinku still did not improve. His temperature went low and was troubling. We took him to the doctor again who said it might be some infection or indigestion. Doc gave him a dose of antibiotics and some vitamin supplements and packaged apple juice to be given as supplement, and glucose. We went ahead but did not see much improvement. At this point, we were worried sick with his deteriorating condition. We would also feed him mashed rice, mixed with water or juice.

When the condition still did not improve, and we went back to the doc, he gave up and said this is the normal lifespan of rabbits, and apparently nothing could be done further. I would like to add a piece of advice here which I should have done for Tinku. If you are taking your pet to a Vet, Please ensure that they are well knowledgeable to treat your animal. Most of the Vets only know to handle dogs or cats. However, it is always better to show your animal to someone who knows the field thoroughly. If you cannot find any local vet to treat your animal, you can always get a consult from the city Veterinary Collage, which would most certainly have a hospital attached.

We later got to know that apple juice is acidic and must not be given to rabbits. 

We found another doctor by luck who could diagnose Tinku and was alarmed at his condition and explained and showed the symptoms of slight yellowing in his mouth, eyes and ears indicating a liver problem. And the paleness in his ears. She immediately got us started on a liver activation and another tonic for supplements. Tinku improved and I was hopeful of his recovery. I prayed for him and my prayers were answered. He started eating solid food on his own.. Bit of sprouts, channa, spinach. Meanwhile Pinky was kept separated from him in case the infection was contagious.

It was a Sunday – November 17^th 2013 when my mom and I went to give Tinku his morning dose of medicine. He was positive and responsive and gobbled up his channa and sprouts after that. We went for his afternoon dose. He was low and dull. I could sense something wrong and stayed with him throughout. I carried him to my room against the cries of my mom of rabbit hair in the bedroom. I was talking to him and asking him to cheer up. Took him for a walk around the house.. He was so dull that it worried me. It pained me badly to see him like that. It seemed like he was tired and terribly weak. He was in my arms all day. And my mom joined me for his next dose of medicine. I held him to open his mouth, so my mom could pour it in. His head just rolled back in a very uncomfortable manner and he did not swallow the medicine. We got worried and my mom rushed inside to reach for her mobile and call the Doc to for advice. Tinku was still in my arms, breathing. But the breaths were ragged and broken. Not as usual. He suddenly opened his mouth, eyes wide open.. shivered vigorously. There was a choking sound.. and then suddenly he was completely still. He was still in my arms. I couldn’t grasp what had just happened. No.. He was fine in the morning. He was eating. He was moving around. He was okay. Tinku..wake up. But he dint.

Everyone tried to console me.. I couldn’t take it. I still cannot. I still feel guilty that the tiny rabbit trusted me.. and I couldn’t look after him. 

Tinku.. I am sorry, I failed you. I couldn’t give you the best care. I am still tortured that your last moments were in pain. You were in my arms but I couldn’t help you. I dint know how. I hope you could know how much I loved you. Wherever you are, I hope you found peace and have your playful, loving and inquisitive spirit.

Not just me. You left Pinky alone too. 

She doesn’t say, but she misses you. She is slowly bonding with me. She spends time with me. She is a shy, docile girl unlike you. While you would run and scratch and jump, she prefers to sit. But she is not comfortable with me. I think she knows how much I love her, because she comes quietly and cuddles against my leg and makes the deep gentle tooth grind when I pat her. I hope I can keep pinky happy. She has slowly started doing binky. She plays a bit.. and comes and sits on my lap. Now she is my baby. I hope I can keep her happy and healthy for a long time.

Tinku, when you left me, it broke my heart. I still cry when I look at your pictures and videos. But thanks a lot for coming into my life and for loving me. If I could get a chance to take care of you again, I would do it a hundred time over. I am extremely thankful for all the memories and joy that you have given me. You changed my life. You made it brighter. At times, you were the only person who could make me smile and brighten the day.. just by being you. I miss you…more than I can say