Come with me... or...

This post is a confession/self realization and a promise to myself to be a better person. Not saying that I am evil, because unfortunately in the relative scale of the world, I am a good person. But a honest and close look at myself shows me that I have been very selfish, self-centred, and not such a goody-two-shoes that I project to the world!

Life is confusing. There is always a battle within me.. doing what the heart wants Vs. living upto others' expectations. There are tons of material out there asking people to listen to the heart! Which is what I have been doing. I have suddenly had a chance to pause and look at myself from an outer dimension, impartial view… and I am uneasy looking at the implications of my actions.

Though I have an individual identity, I am a part of a society. Bound to few other people which brings in a variety of people and their opinions. Some of these relationships and bound and forced upon, while some of these are built on by love and care. 

In case of conflict between the inner desires and close relationships, I always choose my desires. I expected my loved ones to understand how close it is to my heart and give me my space (I don't care much for the forced and formal relationships).This was somehow taken for granted. 

But have you every wanted to reach out to somebody so dearly with all your heart. But see that your love is not being accepted and they have gone ahead embarked on some random journey without you. I have come to see that it is such a dampening feeling. A sense of losing the connection. The companionship will eventually fade away. Do I ignore them and continue my way... or do I compromise?

I don't have an answer yet...

I just have a sudden overwhelming desire to thank my parents for putting up with me for all these years. If I wanted to talk, they were there to listen.. If I wanted fun, they let me have it.. If I wanted to pursue a new hobby, they would encourage.. If I failed, they would motivate..If I wanted to sleep for 15 hours, I had it…If I wanted to stay up late at night, no questions asked!  It was always about me!! 

I never paused to think that I had everything I ever wanted and the love I could want...despite some of my actions making them unhappy...

Friends who stay with me despite my mood swings.. or serious looks.. not sure why I deserve so much of love

Brother who is always there for me.. Makes me wonder if I have been a good elder sister in turn.

And now, my dear hubby stuck with the most un-romantic wife ever in this world.. Lets me have all the space in the world ungrudgingly! Yet I am on the receiving end of all the love I can imagine...

What have I done to deserve this! I have no idea!

I guess what I am going to do going forward, is to make sure that I am in sync with people close to my heart. Show a little more love and gratitude… Carry them along… Join them on their journeys of the heart!

Heart over mind always! But I am going to pay a closer look and heed to the calling of people I love! Come with me... or take me along! 

Waiting for the silver lining...

I remember having a chat with a friend on a hypothetical situation of the end of technology, going back to the stone ages and having to defend ourselves against the fury of nature. One would imagine that stressful situations, disasters and natural calamities bring out the worst in people. It only seems logical. They could either bring out the worst in people … or bring out the very best possible. And I am so grateful for having witnessed the best!

I was almost living that hypothetical situation for 3 fateful days from 1st to 3rd December, 2015 when Chennai faced the worst rains and floods in the last 100 years! I was separated from my husband and had no way of reaching him or my family. I was welcomed into my friend’s place (a spirit mirrored by thousands others who took in unprepared individuals stranded in the city with no means to make it home). I feel lucky to have merely survived rains, power cuts and no mobile network while the worse hit areas of the city are still awaiting rescue operations that could result in life or death.. awaiting basic amenities like drinking water, food, shelter. 

One can just be a mere spectator while we face a power bigger than us all and hold hands to help save each other. This is what I experienced. People opening up their homes to complete strangers, putting the needs of children and elderly before their own, rushing for aid unasked, first hand, or financial, or acting as guides to provide relevant transfer of information. I saw celebrities use their power and reach to do good, spread the right call and actionable messages..I saw my friends from neighbouring cities gather relief material and travel all the way to the affected areas.. I saw people stepping out of their houses to help others rather than to simply salvage whatever possible for themselves. I saw people take action rather than simply point fingers at "God", “The Man”, “The Govt”, “amma” or whatever be it..It shows what is our ultimate priority and I urge you to hold that close.

Its a simple choice made by the majority of people.. to act humane and do the right thing. I would like to believe that everybody has this feeling in their heart.. to reach out and help others in need. Open your eyes and see how you can make the world a better place. You might not be able to save an entire city.. But your actions can help atleast one person and provide relief for a couple of minutes/hours. I believe that is the need of the hour. We are very much capable of altruism… Just need to avoid the poison of media and politics.. 

This is now personal. I want to play my small part to get the city and the people back on their feet. I hope you are inspired to join… 

Ants and the grasshopper!

“It’s a bug-eat-bug world out there, Princess.” – Hopper, from “A bug’s life”

In the field one summer day was an assiduous ant, toiling away..

Hindered by an unbashed hopper, looming with pretense, a show-stopper..

For being the ant’s leader, he felt mandated to be the deal breaker

Mumbled the ant with dread, “Morning sire.. wish you a lovely day ahead”

With his cold unforgiving gaze, you wished he would vanish into a maze..

“A lovely day with you.. never, Maybe when hell freezes over”

One eventually cease to mollify, cause the attempt can never pacify.

“What is good should be better.. else I’ll rub into your eyes, hot chilly pepper”

“I have set your target.. all you have to do is slog, and your happiness – Forget”

“You may try to lament for the man.. but I say “hats off to your plan””

Our little ant could take no more, in his dreams, was the hopper and gore..

Over a cup of honey and fruit ripe, he found more souls with the same gripe..

The rebel in ants united.. something within them was now ignited.

Of populace they could boast..together, they command the mercy of the host..

Drove away the hopper they did.. out came an apology with a solid bid..

With the celebratory twine into the needle, now entered a nasty beetle!

Impeding cycle of domination, frustration.. rebellion will become an easy relation.

Ants would eventually see the hard part..which is simply to stand together for the fight!

*****************************

We have all faced villains in our lives. I would now like to thank all the people who have bullied me at different points in my life: right from my childhood, till date. These people have made life painful and unbearable to deal !

They are excellent at making people feel worthless and suck the self-esteem right out of their persona. But within each of us, lies a fighting spirit which is waiting to come out and defend the wonderful person that you are! Sometimes, all you have to do when you are out up against a bully is to join hands with another person who is a target and jointly stand up for the common cause!

Villains come and go. Thank them… for you will make such strong bonds that will last forever. And finally, it is because of them that you have the chance to be the hero in your own story!