Come with me... or...

This post is a confession/self realization and a promise to myself to be a better person. Not saying that I am evil, because unfortunately in the relative scale of the world, I am a good person. But a honest and close look at myself shows me that I have been very selfish, self-centred, and not such a goody-two-shoes that I project to the world!

Life is confusing. There is always a battle within me.. doing what the heart wants Vs. living upto others' expectations. There are tons of material out there asking people to listen to the heart! Which is what I have been doing. I have suddenly had a chance to pause and look at myself from an outer dimension, impartial view… and I am uneasy looking at the implications of my actions.

Though I have an individual identity, I am a part of a society. Bound to few other people which brings in a variety of people and their opinions. Some of these relationships and bound and forced upon, while some of these are built on by love and care. 

In case of conflict between the inner desires and close relationships, I always choose my desires. I expected my loved ones to understand how close it is to my heart and give me my space (I don't care much for the forced and formal relationships).This was somehow taken for granted. 

But have you every wanted to reach out to somebody so dearly with all your heart. But see that your love is not being accepted and they have gone ahead embarked on some random journey without you. I have come to see that it is such a dampening feeling. A sense of losing the connection. The companionship will eventually fade away. Do I ignore them and continue my way... or do I compromise?

I don't have an answer yet...

I just have a sudden overwhelming desire to thank my parents for putting up with me for all these years. If I wanted to talk, they were there to listen.. If I wanted fun, they let me have it.. If I wanted to pursue a new hobby, they would encourage.. If I failed, they would motivate..If I wanted to sleep for 15 hours, I had it…If I wanted to stay up late at night, no questions asked!  It was always about me!! 

I never paused to think that I had everything I ever wanted and the love I could want...despite some of my actions making them unhappy...

Friends who stay with me despite my mood swings.. or serious looks.. not sure why I deserve so much of love

Brother who is always there for me.. Makes me wonder if I have been a good elder sister in turn.

And now, my dear hubby stuck with the most un-romantic wife ever in this world.. Lets me have all the space in the world ungrudgingly! Yet I am on the receiving end of all the love I can imagine...

What have I done to deserve this! I have no idea!

I guess what I am going to do going forward, is to make sure that I am in sync with people close to my heart. Show a little more love and gratitude… Carry them along… Join them on their journeys of the heart!

Heart over mind always! But I am going to pay a closer look and heed to the calling of people I love! Come with me... or take me along!