Trust fall

I was standing at the edge of the cliff, contemplating if I should jump or not. That was definitely what I had signed up for, yet… standing at the edge with just a measly flimsy rope tied to me feet… My body was screaming at me to turn back and run away! Is this enough? Can I trust this rope to hold me safe? Will I become a figure in statistics of failed bungee jump accidents? Will it really be safe and keep its promises? 

It sounds too good to be true... 

On the other hand, was the desire to be free above it all and fly, glide through the air. Falling without any bounds, free-falling into what seems like infinity, this could very well be the end. But with the faith and knowledge that the ropes are bound and that I am safe. It was a mix of all possible emotions within a fraction of time… 

If I could freeze that moment and separate out all my thoughts, it is probably a bit of excitement, fear, joy, curiosity, pushing one's limits, heart over mind, mind over body, priorities, survival, again fear, resignation to possible death, FAITH, I guess I got to know myself better finally when I took that leap!

It was the scariest thing I had ever done. I thought I was definitely going to die for those 5 seconds until I felt that tug of rope at my feet! 

Those 5 seconds of taking the plunge and leap of faith and surviving it, changed me! 

It is a constant reminder that if I look at my fears head on, there is a part of me which wants to just jump, soar and be free from it all.

It definitely helps to have these strong pillars in my life who seem to tell me “No matter what happens, You fall and I’ll catch you. I am there for you”. Wonder what I would do without these people. It is a constant reminder from the universe that I am not alone and that I am being taken care of. 

I guess all of my life are made of these moments, especially something that's new and scary. 

I am standing at the cliff and looking at this scary valley down below which might crush me into pieces if I take the plunge, and I wonder why my body aches… 

I see that I am neither standing on the cliff, nor have taken the leap. I am somewhere in between hanging on to the tine slab for my dear life even though my safety harness is secure… 

I guess when it is painful or a struggle, I simply need to have the faith and see that my ropes are secure! 

Bungee jumping was and will forever remain one of my most special memories! Because, in some sense, I am bungee jumping everyday!  :D

Honkers - Back off!

One of the most vexing experience of my life, just picture this. Waiting in standstill traffic with no place to budge, while the person behind you feels that honking continuously would magically change the signal to go, or create an exclusive path for the supreme entitled being that he/she is. Rules are not meant for them. They need to go somewhere ASAP, and feel that their destination is worth more than the scores of others around.

Just another view on Indian roads at peak hours 

So, this post is for such people who feel that honking is the answer! You might be one of “them”, in which case you would either be in denial of being one and hence you need to pay more attention to this… or you agree with what I say and hence feel the need to share this post to other honkers out there (He he… this is more than a strategy for higher views! )

Ambivalence is like a prevalent theme across mankind (why man“kind” ? maybe later). We as a totality are strife with contradictions. And usually that’s what we celebrate and cherish. That’s probably what made us evolve to dominate the planet (Yea right! And see what’s become of it). I guess people still have the primal need to fight, dominate and get through. Even if we no longer fight for food, shelter as did our cavemen ancestors, we feel the need to dominate the random person on streets through those honking wars. But of course most people would be in denial of their own inherent honker nature.

Apparently people have creative ways to justify their own behavior and consider themselves misunderstood. So, I tried to get into those misunderstood shoes of those honkers… Trust me, I tried. Hear me out…

India’s population is ~1.3 Billion and we account for ~20% of world population despite accounting for ~2% of land area! Now tie this up with noise levels out on the road. If a quiet office has a decibel level of 50 db, the busy road is 80 db. Now it there are studies which show that 5 db (16.66%) is solely contributed by excessive honking. This is huge! So I hope you agree that honking is something of a problem. Now about the people who actually honk… The probability of encountering a bigger honker than you, is extremely high right? And two negatives make a positive? So honking at a honker is alright and this automatically excludes you from the category right? Killing a killer leaves the world with the same number of killers, but killing more than one killers and becoming a serial-killer-killer is like doing the world a favor right? Or maybe the louder you are, you can dim down those “other” idiots on the road?

In an ideal switch traffic signal which lasts for 111 s, assuming that that cars takes 7.77 s to cross the signal and bikes take 6.66 s, adding 2.22 s at alternate vehicles for a potential time lag for safety reasons we can estimate that 22 cars and 33 bikes could go through peacefully. However, there are additional 4 cars and 7 bikes after the signal has turned who decide that “hey, it turned red *JUST NOW*, and hence its ok to cross. The ends up taking ~14 s from vehicles from the other lane who are blocked and thus irritating them. This “irritation” has been proved to be a definite instigation for a person to turn into a honker with a statistical significance of 0.00001% (I escaped).

Now about those who decide not to put on the indicator when they make a sharp turn… I guess they have telepathic powers, and hence assume that the other commuters also have telepathic powers to know that just because they are in the further left side of the road, they still want to turn right suddenly at the signal? Unfortunately, most people DO NOT have telepathic powers!

Of course there are some who are eternally lost and confused and turn on the wrong indicator! Ah, I couldn’t find a justification for this except “some people just want to watch the world burn”, or “just plain vanilla stupid” or as Aristotle said “No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness”. However, for practical reasons, I wish such behavior is monitored for a month before making the driving license permanent.

This summarizes some of my main on road concerns. I now realize that I should provide counter arguments, but I hope that the absurdity of these points bring those honkers to shame and starting tomorrow, everybody have an almost perfect road sense (99.99999% is fine)

People… chill out. Shift your focus from the horn to the brake maybe. Just for a bit. Patience… take a deep breath… Let them go when its their turn and your turn will definitely get yours. Let us try to be at peace and not just that, be a reason for someone else’s peace of mind too!

Note: Just because my other blogs are deep and full of symbolism, this blog is just about honkers, and NOT to be construed as an analogy for loud people who talk out of turn. The on-road situation should NOT be compared to any real life incidents just because life is a journey! :P

Validated!

If I had a penny for every time someone told me, “Lets us validate this”, I could have bought myself the latest iPhone. In my 4 years as an analyst it turned out to be one the most recurring phrases I ever had to face.

However, looking back in the 25 years of my life, the need to seek validation from the people around me has always impacted a lot of my actions and interactions. Probably right from the day I uttered my first words which led to such positive affirmations from my mom, or my first step, or my laughter getting a cheer of response.

It held true during my school days as well. I would yearn to get those “well done” stickers, 5 stars, or earn a “Awesome. This is very good” from my favourite teacher. This is a great way of learning and an incredible way to grow and imbibe values. However, after being a “grown up”, I realize that a lot of us (including myself) are constantly seeking validation for their actions, thoughts and decisions. Even though the validation circle has shifted from a mentor’s “Good job. Proud of you. Go ahead” to a friend’s “Dude, I totally understand you.”

Validation is what drives us. And suddenly I realized that we seek validation because we are in an unfamiliar or a strange situation that we are not sure how to handle. I certainly do not seek validation from anybody to check if I have brushed my teeth right. But if I have tried learning a new song on my guitar and play it for somebody, I am seeking for validation.

Now, this is but one of the most natural thing to do. But I have come to understand that our ‘seeking for validation’ and the ‘approved/rejected’ feedback from the observer is happening at a very subconscious level. The impact of one on the other is very subtle but it stays in the mind. The feedback which you hear about yourself could make or break you without your knowledge. And likewise, you have a responsibility to "make/break" somebody else.

Two things here:

1. When you are the giving end of validation, it helps to do what great managers do: positive, constructive, actionable feedback which will help them grow. Let us spread love positivity, not negativity! :-)

2. Receiving end of validation and feedback is a little tough. Let me talk about it more...

Imagine a plain white board with your name on it. You come across a person who looks at your name and write a comment about it. 5 more people come by and write their thoughts. the next day, 10 more people come by and write their opinions about your name. Now the page is full. But people who come by, meet you and invariably end up writing their opinions on your page. This creates a strain and it is very hard to keep a track on whose opinions matter and whose don’t. I visualize my subconscious to be the very same.

This is not a “problem” per se. However, don’t you think it would be great to have a way to wipe the board clean for a better view on what is important and what is not? A way for us to hold on to the notes which matter and erase those which don’t? A way to just clear the mind and give it a fresh start the next day? A way to be conscious of my action while seeking validation and have the power over my mind when receiving some rejection and stay strong?

I have found a simple way! Meditation!

It has made me aware of myself and the power within me. It has made me more aware of the interactions around me where I end up seeking validation and has helped me remain strong when life shakes me up. In fact, even the fact that meditation makes a difference to me was validated by a friend who commented, “I bet you did your meditation today! It is obvious on your face and you look so happy, calm!”.

I believe this is one of the easiest way to be yourself and remain unruffled in this world that tries to fit you in a mould and ask you to change no matter who you are! :P

Try it!